Reflecting on my goals and plans in the next couple of years I've come to the conclusion that romantic pursuits are more of a luxury expense. I've seen patients report their long term relationship woes, watched my own folks and relatives have their share, and heard about the lives of friends newlywed.
Get married in this economy? fuck no.
Dating is like... a job interview whether both of you are trying to get employed to meet each other's long term expectations (or short term fun). I imagine being stuck in a intimate legal contract with someone over the years would only be worthwhile if both parties agreed on a long term game plan.
It's always the same buzz where friends would try to hook me up on a blind date or introduce me to mutual friend.
To save myself sometime I just pop the question along the lines of "where do you see yourself in x years?", "what projects are you working on?", "what are your plans?" something like that.
I'm lookin for ambition and that's sexy af. If they throw in some realistic goals to meet, I might just volunteer to support their cause.
I got no problems with people choosing to live in the moment. You do you. But I do have a problem if this was the predominating mindset of someone I have to work with. Here I am trying to better myself independently, just trying to get my shit together as a socially functioning responsible adult contributing to society but for me to consider engaging in romance, everything hinges on whether the other person has the bare minimum requirements:
Do they have a stable job? Do they have a gameplan at life? Are they trying to better themselves?
Questions too broad to answer so I just substitute it down to what their current interests are, their financial obligations, their values and belief and whether we can have a good chemistry. This pretty much screens most potential romance out and it saves me a fuck ton of social energy.
Can't demand quality if you're not doing anything to deserve it yourself. And that's why I try to get my adulting shit together before bothering with the dating game. Focused on career, financial planning, and projects that offer some returns if done right, these are stuff I've been busying myself with.
We're not getting any younger. There's an expiration when your body could no longer keep up with the growing economic demands of the times and the next thing you know, it's already near retirement and your pension ain't enough.
The younger generation, people my age, and the ones nearing retirement underestimate how their quality of life a few years from is heavily influence by their decisions a few years back. Had I figured this out when I was in my early 20's, I'd probably be halfway towards the life goal by now and retiring at early 40's.
I have to thank the one that left me for these realizations. It stung when it happened but the lesson was priceless and this helped me figure out what I need to do in life.
I could end up lonely in the coming decades but I'll have freedom and financial security. I think this mindset is only present because I've yet to achieve financial security so once it happens, I know I'll start singing to a different tune again but until then, thanks for your time.