Pay it Forward!

Have you ever been in a situation where you find yourself getting unreasonably irritated with someone, even when they haven't really done anything wrong? Well, that's exactly where I find myself these past few days as my cousin borrows my laptop like clockwork. Now, I'm not entirely sure if it's just my mood or maybe my impending period talking, but I've been feeling unusually frustrated with my cousin. It's not that she's doing anything malicious or disrespectful–in fact, she's just borrowing my laptop for a very valid reason, her studies and classes. However, the timings and my now limited access to use my laptop were starting to get on my nerves.  The cycle repeats itself: I lend her my laptop, she uses it for her studies, and then she returns it. But like clockwork, the next day, or sometimes longer than just a day, I would receive a message from her asking to borrow it again. The increased frequency of borrowing is starting to get into my skin. You see, this laptop is my only tool to access Peakd, and I haven't configured my phone to use this site–and I doubt I will anytime soon. The screen on my phone feels uncomfortably small for writing blogs and even reading someone else's. Moreover, when it comes to watching TV series and even movies, which I binge-watch and rewatch, I prefer the larger display of this laptop. The phone screen just doesn't measure up for me to fully enjoy my after-work-stress-relief rituals. In essence, this laptop is the hub for all my post-work relaxation activities. This must have been the reason behind my frustration over her borrowing it all the time—I'm losing my stress outlet. This is when it actually hit me. I was reminded of my college student days that I too, relied on the kindness of my friends, church leaders, and even neighbors who lent me their laptops. Some even offered me that if I need some printing job, all I need to do is knock and bring bond paper with me. I never had the means to buy myself a laptop back then. Even renting a unit on a computer shop is expensive for a college student like me who has to stretch her fifty pesos (around $1) daily. I can't even fathom now I managed to survive back then. This is the kind of struggle that I don't want my loved ones experience—the helplessness in the middle of everything that you needed to submit and accomplish and the courage you need to muster just to be able to send the carefully worded message ***"pwede bang mahiram laptop mo? balik ko rin kaagad, please".*** Now, as my frustration begin to calm down, I can only imagine how my friends felt when I was the one borrowing their laptops. Did I frustrate them too whenever I borrow their laptops? Were there times when they wished they never lent me their laptops in the first place? Did they somehow feel that they are not responsible of my needs? As I sit quietly and think about all of it, I realize that they mustn't felt and thought of it that way. They never would have offered or allowed me to borrow their laptops if they did. Maybe, someone from their earlier days also helped them survive being a helpless college student. Or maybe they are just kind-hearted people who recognizes their privilege and pass it on to someone who needs it. I would never know which one of those two they must be. All I know now is that some of my friends were student themselves that time yet they selflessly allowed me to borrow their gadgets when I needed it, how could I possibly not relate on how my cousin must feel whenever she asks to borrow my laptop, right?  Borrowing a laptop for classes, assignments, and research was not a matter of convenience for me; it was a lifeline that enabled me to pursue my education. I'm beyond blessed to have such good community who supported me in their own way and generosity that now, I'm able to pay their kindness forward as I support my cousin on her studies by letting her use my laptop. I hope that when the time comes, she would be able to pay the act of kindness forward to other people who needs it. You see, all these things will always come in full circle in the end ♥ _{All images used are mine unless stated otherwise. gif from [Tenor](tenor.com)}