"You're frugal, but you're not cheap. I mean, you are very conscious about how you spend your money, but at the same time very generous."
That's what a very good friend told me once, when I was boasting excitedly about having reached my goal of $500 monthly passive income, which allowed me and Lily to survive here a couple of years back. Since then, the threshold is up to $700, but my passive income is even higher.
Not the point. Sorry.
Generosity has many different aspects. I'd say that it's mainly giving more than necessary, and that can refer to basically everything in life, not only money, though most people seem to think of it that way. Not surprising, as our whole existence is focused on money, so why not generosity, too?
"Never give a loan that you expect back."
That was around 4 or 5 years ago, that David said that to me. He's in his 60s or 70s, a very generous man in many ways. It was one of the best advice that I ever received, and retains a key of generosity - giving without expecting back. As I pointed out many times, I like to live without expectations, at least positive ones. That leaves more room for positive surprises, and reduces the risk of negative ones.
Terms of generous service.
Generosity to me, is just that. Yes, I'm very conscious about lending you money or donating to your cause, but when I do, I do it wholeheartedly. And I do set the expectations very clear from the beginning, protecting myself, too. Being generous is not synonymous for being over-credulous, naive or plaint stupid.
Money ain't everything.
With money, I have it clear. What is harder to manage is my generosity with time and energy. I like to help, especially within my community, but often forget to apply the same rules as within my finances. I overspend. I give too much time to something within the community, usually more than others, which then makes me bitter as I would love to see the rest put in the same effort. At the same time, me being available also takes away the initiative for the others to become active. Okay, maybe that's something I want to believe, justifying some inequality in input there.
(I feel like I'm quoting my last comment conversations with galenkp here in each paragraph...)
I have to work on that balance. And on my mindset. I'm not that generous, after all, if I give my time and energy, but expect others to do the same. It's not a crazy expectation and quite healthy for a community to work that way, I know, but this is about me. How and who I am.
It's a tad of masochism.
Being generous while having expectations will eventually lead to some kind of pain. But I like being generous. I'd love to be at my ideal, to not have expectations, but I not there, probably never will be. Hence, I must be a masochist, as I am conscious about it, so I'm not naive.
Watch me, I'm generous!
Says the Tik-Toker, throwing money at people in a country that doesn't even carry the currency. I prefer the silent helpers. The oxymoron of selfish generosity is not possible in my definition. Generosity for the sake of reputation or any other self-oriented outcome is selfishness, still. Is a grey area even possible? There are some who balance those two things out, and I can respect that. It's more of an economics discussion in that case, and not an ethical one.
It's about love.
Love and generosity have that in common. They're given without expectation, if pure. Not the manifestation of both, but the intrinsic part. The ideal of loving is to be able to do it for the sake of itself, nothing else. Generosity is also a love for community. Love thy neighbor and such.
Altruism! (and the connections to other questions)
That was the name. We discussed that in University, in Ethics. If it's possible. An endless discussion, of course, yet fruitful. The strive for ideals, the comparative to them and the progress one makes on his own self, becoming a better human being according to ones intrinsic and chosen values is what I see as a purpose of life. Those ideals can vary so much, of course. For some it's a social value, for others a selfish achievement.
Generosity is a good ideal for that purpose, and included even in most religions, hence also in what C.S. Lewis calls the "Tao" in his work "The Abolition of Man", a book that I'm trying to read every weekend again. It's fascinating and includes interesting arguments that are not of my believes, which makes it a little harder to understand, yet involves a greater learning experience. Exposing myself to relatable, yet opposing views is what I feel to be an effective way of learning, and becoming a better human being.
My self.
I'm being generous with myself. I give myself some leeway. I allow myself to indulge into expensive hobbies (compared to what I usually spend), a great meal, dress ups, escalating parties - and resting. It's important to be generous to oneself. Don't skip out on that.
Follow up question
If you give money to a beggar on the street, do you care what he does with it?
What are your thoughts about this topic? Please feel free to engage in any original way, including dropping links to your posts on similar topics. I'm happy to read (and curate) any quality content that is not created by LLM/AI.
Post written for the #weekend-engagement by @galenkp inviting us to answer selected questions in the Weekend Experiences community each week.
This is my response to:
Q2: What book are you reading this weekend and why?
Q5: Generous or selfish, which are you and why?
Q6: If you were asked to explain you life's purpose as you saw it what would the explanation look like and why?
Thank you for reading!