"There's always a positive, dude!" New-Age-Motivational-Facebook-Phrases aren't much my thing. Especially when they come from people who have not the slightest empathetic capacity and just holler platitudes whenever they can't handle the other's emotions.
Handling difficult times is an art. It's not something to learn from well-meant-poorly-executed intents of motivation, but is bound to the attitude. Once that attitude is developed (and that unfortunately not an easy task), it is a huge help to maneuver through times that combine poo with ceiling fans.
The little I understand from Stoicism, it works pretty well to overcome bad times, to maintain a productive attitude towards things. There was only one time in my life that was so dark that I wasn't able to stay positive. It was when my daughter had been taken away by her mother, and for months I didn't know where they were nor of they'd come back.
The first thing I did was to distract myself with work. "In matters of the heard, work is better than whiskey" is what a friend told me. I did both. I bought a restaurant off a friend, as if one business wasn't enough. It wasn't a good idea, but with a lot of effort and taking opportunities, I managed to turn it around and into a really great place.
And even back then, in all that pain that I felt, punching my fists bloody on a punching-back made of tires, I managed to do good things. I didn't isolate completely, I didn't give up, but held myself up through helping others. Acting in a way that I perceive as good, helping others in and through their dark times, creating a little light in there is one of the things that help me to stay somewhat positive.
In crisis we're confronted with many realities that are usually hidden behind layers of "normality", of pretending, behind the "feel good" of comfort. Dark times take all that away, strips us naked. And there we can chose what we do. I, personally, always find ways that I can change in my self. Most of the times, I can't change the root of the crisis, but I can channel the bad energy into improving myself, getting more aligned with my values, become "better", at least form my perspective. And becoming better is always something positive.
I learned many things in those 3 months of hardship. I learned to forgive, myself and the mother. I learned that I was anything but perfect. That I had done a lot of harm in my life, unknowingly. That I had to change a lot of things to become the father that I wanted to be, not mediocre, but something between "good" and "excellent".
So, it's not so much the "Stay positive, dude!" attitude. It's the "Bring it on!" kind, the challenge of squeeze something good out of everything, to wrestle for it, against all odds and only with a huge amount of effort.
What are your thoughts about this topic? Please feel free to engage in any original way, including dropping links to your posts on similar topics. I'm happy to read (and curate) any quality content that is not created by LLM/AI.
Post written for the #weekend-engagement by @galenkp inviting us to answer selected questions in the Weekend Experiences community each week.
This is my response to:
What do you do to keep a positive attitude in difficult times? Explain with examples.
Thank you for reading!