Let's set the scene. I'm 29. Only a young fella. I was in a dreary town of Mullingar managing a now global retailer. It was lashing rain outside and Mary the Trade Union Rep who could bearly fit in the door was moaning at me over something trivial. I used to hate seeing Mary because she was a dose. Another issue. Always an issue. Mary would waddle in and waste time talking to me about all the wrongs of the place before she would lift a finger. My area manager arrived and told me I have been summoned to head office in Dublin. There was only two reasons for the summonsing. To give you the boot or to give you a promotion which meant a larger store. When I arrived in head office , the boss woman sat me down and offered me a package to go to the Canary Islands. THE CANARY ISLANDS!!!! Pretty much off the coast of Africa, 3000 miles from Spain. They were setting up 2 new stores and wanted me to set up one of them. I tried to act cas(ual) but I nearly bit her hand off. No more Mary!!!!
Two weeks later I was 25 degrees in November asking the assistant manager if they ever get back weather and he was looking confusingly at me. "It gets hot in July" he said while I wiped the sweat off my brow. I sat at my desk in an office in Las Palmas with a view of Las Canteras beach wondering how the gods had shone down on me so much. The staff all happy seeing "Hasta Manana" having just changed into bikinis to spend the rest of their evening on the beach. I rang my assistant manager in Mullingar to gloat about how he had to put up with Mary while I was in paradise. Fast forward to December. In order to set up a store you need 50 staff from Ireland and the UK to help out. The HR department sorted this for a new store and when you are down in a foreign city without the language , you are glad to see 50 friendly faces who will get free food and drink for the foreseeable landing on your doorstep. They would work hard and play hard and have the best time of their lives. Sometimes we would organise a bus down to the south of the island to go out. It was a brilliant time. It was coming up to Christmas and the HR department had the flights booked on the 20th December to whisk these support staff home. However bad weather had hit the UK & Ireland in 2011 and the snow was coming in thick and fast. My job was to make sure all the support staff were in the airport. I was the captain of the ship so I would take a later flight when the support staff were safe and sound. Now these guys , some of them were only kids and some were quite anxious looking at the weather reports. So the 20th came and we bunged them all into taxis and made our way to the airport. Got there and Flight cancelled came up on the screen. Some of the staff were shocked and sad to hear this. I rang my HR department who were dealing with a couple of other store openings in Germany. The CEO made it clear to them to get our guys home no expense spared so they booked the 50 of them onto the next flight on the 21st and we all went back to the hotels. Now my cousin works in the airport and I text him for an update. He told me Dublin airport would be all but closed for the next few days and this was a bit startling to know. As I sat at a bar on the Las Canteras beach with a couple of support managers and looked out at the sea while drinking a cocktail we thought to ourselves , maybe getting stranded in the Canaries at Christmas is not such a terrible thing at all. The 22nd arrived and we again went to the airport only for the flights to be cancelled again. I was onto HR seeing if there was any other way off the island. Barcelona was an option and Paris was being muted to get the British staff home. I was getting calls off the parents at this stage which was a bit of a nightmare telling them I would take good care of their little Jimmy if the worst comes to the worse. Meanwhile I was looking at Jimmy canoodling with a beautiful Spanish girl where going back to Dublin was the last thing on little Jimmy's mind. The best way I could mind Jimmy was to get him a pack of Durex.
Roll on the 23rd. We went to the airport again. There was sobbing now as some of the homesick support staff knew this was their last chance. Flight Cancelled to London and Dublin Hysteria rang out because this was the last chance. I rang HR and asked them for an update. They were all out of ideas. Just then I spotted one flight that was actually going to the UK. It was heading to Glasgow. I ran to the desk and asked how many seats were empty. I never forget when the service desk girl said 56 seats as there was a large cancelation. I shouted at my manager to get all the passports up to me and I got out the company credit card. One girl had got a taxi in despair to go back to the hotel to cry. I called her GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW IF YOU WANT TO GO HOME Glasgow 23rd December 5pm I rang HR to tell them I have them in Glasgow and start booking up hotels for us all to stay. The English would be a train journey away or a trip down the motorway. The Scottish was custy. But the Irish needed another plane and Dublin was closed. HR told me to turn my phone on the minute we land in Glasgow. The girl came back. I fucked her out of it for leaving and we all got on the plane. When I was on route I thought this could be very bad if we have to stay in Glasgow for the Christmas. So he phone was turning on the minute the tyres hit the runway. Lorraine from HR rang me saying that Belfast airport was reopening and we were booked onto a flight but it was leaving in 45 minutes. So I had to get everyone together and tell them the news. It was going to be a tight one. I remember it being like Home Alone running for that flight to Northern Ireland. It was late in the day of the 23rd and I was ferrying the kids to the planes terminal. There was chaos , shouting and roaring, laughing , piggy backing and we just about made it. Belfast 23rd December 8pm
I never forget landing in Belfast as long as I live. It was 9pm in the evening and we hit down to -17 temperatures. It was like the end of the world. Snow and ice everywhere. I go not know how the taxi drove us to the hotel but he did. There were 5 taxis. Some of the crew were anxious to get home that night but no chance. For some reason I told the taxi driver to take us to the Hilton only to find out that it was not the place they had booked us into. Have you 15 rooms I asked? We have 45 rooms the concierge said. Then I got out the credit card again and told the team were leaving first thing for Dublin. When the kids were all in bed happy they were home I went out on the tear with the other two managers in Belfast and we had a great night. I got a phone from the HR manager at 2am. Dublin airport is reopen. You are booked on a flight at 10am from Belfast.
Another flight. I woke the support team up and told them not to get too comfortable. Of course little Jimmy was found in another hotel room happy to spend Christmas now in Belfast. Taxis again at 7.30am slightly hung over so we could catch the Dublin flight.
Dublin 24th December 11am So my hob was considered done once we hit Dublin. It was then up to the support team to arrange a lift home and luckily that was sorted. I had my car in Dublin , a rear wheel drive BMW coupe that I had won in a competition. Now the trouble with rear wheels is they are bad in the ice and snow.
So I skated and skidded down the country for 2 hours nearly killing myself on multiple occasions. A pub called Chawkes was my goal for that afternoon. It was a family tradition to go to Chawkes on Christmas eve. The problem was my small little hometown was the worst place. So I abandoned the car and walk the last mile to Chawkes. I got to Chawkes pub around 4pm to a big roar from the family and the pubs locals. The fire was blazing. My mother had a look of relief on her face. My father does what every father does in this situation and orders a pint of the black stuff. The texts rolled in from all the support staff saying they had got home. I could relax now while trad music played in the background. As I took my first sip of Guinness I thought to myself I may have been in paradise but there is no place like home.
