One of the saddest things about life is the fact that you can’t ever really win when your rival is a dead person. Because as long as they’re dead, there will always be that assumption that if they had been alive, you wouldn’t have the slot that you occupy. It doesn’t matter how hard you’ve worked for it, it doesn’t matter that you earned your position fair and square. But many will still see you that way.
And funny enough, many times these ‘competitions’ don’t happen within the same time period, one person can come way before the other even considers getting into the game. Hell, one might even be the person that the second was looking up to. But then, seeing how one sadly passed away before they could meet their full potential, there will always be that assumption of untapped potential.
One of such examples is Michael Jackson. It’s not unusual to come across a ‘hot take’ online where someone would compare a successful artist of recent times to Michael, and most of the time, many believe that the modern artist still doesn’t have as many achievements as Michael, even though a lot of his records have been broken multiple times since his untimely death. Michael was phenomenal before his death, and there was so much that he could have gone on to achieve. And thus, because of all that potential, there will always be those who look at successful artists today and think that if Michael were alive, they wouldn’t have the top spot.
Another area this trend shows itself is when you get into a relationship with a widow or a widower. While you might always have to keep reassuring them that you’re not trying to replace their late partner, their ghost will always haunt you. Especially if your partner is not emotionally sound to handle such issues. Everything you do might always be compared to how the dead partner did it, or what they had. Sometimes, you’ll always be reminded that the only reason you’re with them is simply because their partner died, and if it were up to them, they’d not have it that way. And deep down, you know it's true because who’d want their partner to die?
And just like that? You might find yourself in competition with someone who’s no longer competing but still racking up high scores. You can’t say anything bad about them because that will come off as an attack and a form of weakness on your part. If things had ended on a bad note, maybe a break-up, divorce, or separation, you’d have known more clearly where you stood.
But then, with time, you realize that this is not an issue that’s unique to the dead. What about being in competition with people who don’t even see you as a competitor? One good example of this is being in a family of overachievers. You have parents who have done exceptionally well, and elder siblings who have also impressed the world. When it’s your turn, you’d not really impress anyone.
When you get straight As, they’ll tell you that’s just how your brothers also got straight As during their time. You win an award, and your father also did it. You win a race, your mother was just like that! On and on and on, everything you do will always somehow be linked to someone who has done it before you, thereby taking the shine out of the effort that went into yours. Many see this and feel frustrated because they’re constantly in the shadows of their family and can’t make their own name. And even more frustrating, they might not even notice it. They just keep living their lives.
That’s why in a family of lawyers, you could see the lastborn go on to become a musician, choosing to carve a separate niche for himself. One where whatever wins, he secures will be totally his. Or a family of doctors where one will choose to go into business or politics, something totally different from the environment they grew up in.
These are competitions that we don’t actively seek out, they just seem to find us. And whether we like it or not, we have to deal with them. If we’re not careful, they’ll mess with our mental health and make us do crazy things that we’ll regret. So then, what do you do when you find yourself thrust into these competitions? Whether subtle or obvious? You simply do your own thing! Don’t let it consume you, and definitely don’t let it get to you. Because in the end, the only way to make do is just to find your own path.
Thank you for reading. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments, I’d love to know what you’re thinking. Till we meet in the next post.
N.B: All images used in this post are mine. The thumbnail was designed using Canva.
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