The other day I wrote a post about how I was a little let down by our species. Yeah, it’s hard not to feel that way sometimes—especially seeing how we treat each other, the planet, or even myself. It really started to weigh on me. So in typical fashion and to release, I made a post about it.
I think it was something that was just building for a while overtime you know. Most likely it just comes from witness lots of things (cruelty, selfishness, ignorance, and indifference) pile up and change the way I viewed humanity. It also probably had a lot to do with the having to put our Bailey girl down and send her on to the other side.
It was not just one thing, but a collection of momments that wore me down to that point of feeling more cynical lately. But my concern is if my cynicism should be a natural response when my ideals run into reality.
Could it be a defense mechanism that is helping me defend against future letdowns?
It may be clouding my ability to see any good that still exists. Even the lighthouses as I called them in the post are harder to spot anymore as I seem to be viewing more and more people who displays kindness as having some angle.
I do find things that push back against the cynicism though. Like the recent good words and thoughts of others when my best friend and dog Bailey died. It was a powerful thing that in my grief, people, online and off, showed up with kindness. Their words and thoughts reminded me that through the fog and the storm, there are still lighthouses out there. There is still a thread of decency holding things together.
Why does it take heartbreak for me to see this though?
I am not sure, but been doing okay though, and I think it is because of the kindness that has been shown by everyone. It's not always easy to let others in when I am grieving, but the support of others has really helped me stay grounded.
Been getting back into my coin collecting a little more. I recently started ignoring the hobby some, but have really dove back into it lately. I have also been looking more into working on my truck and doing more work in the yard.
One of the truck projects I am looking forward to is installing new tail and headlight assemblies. I ordered new ones from eBay motors, but just been waiting for a good day or two of weather that will allow me to do the work.
As far as the coin collection, I am looking at my type set, although I may never complete it due to cost of some of the coins, I find it fun to research them and hunt for some. There is also my older commemorative coins that I like to collect as well.
Those kinds of activities give my heart a bit of rest. It’s a quiet kind of healing.
Thanks for reading,
Joe
Notes: -All content is mine unless otherwise annotated. -Images are my own unless otherwise noted. -Photos edited using MS Paint and/or iPhone SE. -Page Dividers from The Terminal Discord.
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