Lately I have become sour about our species. Yeah, that's some heavy stuff. That type of disillusionment is also hard to shake once it sets in too. Its been building over time. That slow build is the exhausting kind too. It is like a quiet drip that eventually floods a ship. It hasn't been anything in particular either. It has been a slew of stuff, like our treatment of the planet and how we treat each other.
I am not sure if any of it makes sense though. Being that it is not just one thing but a whole knotted tangle of shit. The wars, greed, pollution etc. It starts to feel like the whole world is a big mess and needs a reset. I mean, our species has so much potential yet we choose some of the worst paths when it comes to choices. I am not excluded from that either.
I would like to hope we would get on the right path eventually, but frankly I am cynical. I mean, is hope not naive, especially nowadays? Cynicism seems like the only rational way to feel for me lately.
It is like I want to believe there is good in all people, but that is just not realistic. Life has taught me better. The evidence is stacked against the species and the jury is deliberating. I mean shit, it is not like we don't have the intelligence to do better. So, I find myself withdrawing more from the world even though I do not want to.
Yes, I would like to connect and care more. But there is the feeling every time I reach out into the world it gives me another reason to be cynical.
Could this be a way to protect myself? Am I guarding myselg from more disappointment from the shit?
I don't want to withdraw, as I miss connections with some people. However, I find that the world in general is just disappointing as hell and really pisses me off. Yeah, that's pretty tense and missing those real connections sucks. However the feeling that the rest of the world poisons everything else is, well the more angry I become thinking about it. I become more bitter!
However, I know that this is because i care deeply and feel let down. That said, there are still a handful of people in my life that will not disappoint, at least so far. Some of them offline, some of them online.
These people matter and are like little lighthouses in the night in a stormy sea. They are proof that not everything in the world is broken, that there is still hope for the species, even though the world as a whole is falling apart. It is these few that keep the whole damn round rock from falling apart for me.
So to the Lighthouses out there, keep the light on for me and others. It is making a difference.
Thanks for reading,
Joe
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