When we talk about risks, people often think of something brave or daring, like skydiving, quitting a job to travel, or moving to a new country. Those are great choices, but the kind of risk I think about isn't loud or exciting. It's quiet, personal, and deep inside me.
The first risk I want to take is to be honest and tell the truth. The kind of truth I'm talking about is not the polite one, not the one that makes things easier, and not the one that uses metaphors to avoid being judged. I want to be honest about how I feel and what I believe, even if it makes people who think they know me uncomfortable.
For a long time, I've written about love, faith, culture, motherhood, and identity. Writing has always helped me remember things and make sense of them. But I've also noticed how often I hold back. I choose my words carefully. I filter and rewrite. I tell my stories in ways that are safe because I'm scared of being misunderstood or thought of as disrespectful. I was taught to value peace, and I learned early on that being honest was not as safe as being obedient. But as I get older, I realize that silence can also be a form of dishonesty.
I want to talk about how faith changes, how love doesn't fit into neat boxes, and how I've changed as a person after years of trying to please everyone. I don't want to hide behind my writing anymore. I want my voice to sound like it belongs to someone who has lived, made mistakes, and learned from them. Of course, the risk is that people won't like what they read. But that is a risk I’m finally willing to take, because what I write now is not just for approval but for truth.
The second risk is more physical. I want to get a tattoo.
It might sound simple, but it means a lot to me. I've wanted one for years, but I hesitated because of my religious beliefs. For a long time, I thought it was wrong. I thought that my body shouldn't have any marks on it. However, my faith changed over time. It became simpler, gentler, and more personal. It doesn't revolve around rules or fear anymore; it revolves around love and truth. And one part of that truth is that I want to tattoo my body in a way that tells my story.
When I finally get a tattoo, it won’t be something trendy or meaningless. It will be something that ties me to my heritage. I won't use traditional Iban motifs that were meant for men because I have a lot of respect for the cultural and spiritual meaning behind those designs. But I've thought about making something based on them, like the tali nyawa spiral from the bungai terung, which stands for the rope of life. Or a design based on the buah engkabang, a fruit from the rainforest of Borneo that has wings that stand for growth and strength. Both have meanings that relate to my life, my culture, and the changes that have made me who I am.
I also like the idea of getting tattoos of the coordinates of my parents' longhouses, one for my dad and one for my mom. Two longhouses in two different villages, both on the rivers that have been part of my family's history. It feels like a map of where I came from, like a way to connect with the places that made me who I am. It would remind me of where I came from and, in a strange way, a promise that I would never lose them.
And to be completely honest, the practical side of it gives me comfort too. If I died far from home and didn't have any ID, the coordinates would at least tell someone where I lived. It sounds morbid, but the thought makes me feel better. It feels like a way of saying, “If you find me, bring me home.”
I plan to get the tattoo when I turn fifty. That gives me some time to think about it, improve the design, and make sure it feels right. It also marks a big event: 50 years of living, growing, and learning to live on my own terms. The tattoo will not only be art on my skin; it will also be a story written in ink that connects my body, spirit, and heritage.
It feels like these two risks—telling the truth and marking my skin—are connected. Both are about claiming ownership of who I am. Both are about releasing the fear of how others might see me. I don't want to live quietly in the background anymore, trying to make everyone happy. I want to speak with honesty and carry symbols that reflect the life I’ve lived and the ancestors who came before me.
Risk might not always mean danger or being careless. It could be as simple as having the courage to live in a way that is true to who you are. That's the risk I want to take.
That's it for now. If you read this far, thank you. I appreciate it so much! I'm a non-native English speaker, and English is my third language. Post ideas and content are originally mine. Kindly give me a follow if you like my content. I mostly write about making art, writing, poetry, book/movie review and life reflections.
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