Pain is something everyone goes through in life. It might be a heartbreak,betrayer,abuse or even disappointment. Let us realize that pain doesn't always stop with the person who first felt it. Sometimes hurt one ends up hurting others later on. It's not always intentional, but it happens often.
Let's take, for example, a mother can pass her pain to her children not because she intentionally wants to but because that's the only source available for her to vent her frustration or anger at. My neighbor was arrested by another neighbor who couldn't take the maltreatment she was melting out on her daughter because she constantly reminds her of the mistake she made in marrying their father.
She beats the girl with anything that reaches her hand, she starves her at every slightest provocation, the last beating got everybody so upset that they called the police, and the landlady has to give her a quit notice. She actually poured her daughter hot water because she didn't remember to hide the only soup that was left from her father as instructed by the her.
As she screamed and ran outside, neighbors ran out , only for us to see the girl's body peeled and she was naked. That day my neighbors beat the hell out of the woman and asked her never to lay her hand on that girl again. We had to rush the girl to the hospital, and the husband couldn't even do anything, instead he was blaming himself for forcing her to marry him.
Now in this case, don't you think that girl might grow up traumatized, and the only thing she might offer people around her is pain and nothing else? Even when she tries to be nice, it becomes difficult because she is always defensive these days. Now, the question is if someone hurts others because she was hurt, should they still be held responsible? My answer is yes. Just because you are in pain doesn't give you the right to cause harm to others.
As much as people need to take responsibility, we need to understand why people act the way they do. A lot of harmful behavior doesn't just appear out of nowhere; many times it is shaped by childhood experience, past trauma, or repeated cycles. This child I gave as an example, with all the fighting between her parents, her mother constantly maltreatment. If she grows up into an adult, she might repeat the same behavior towards others.
One thing about trauma is that it doesn't stay with one person. It spreads, and it touches everyone around, be it friends, family, or even colleagues. Most people with anger issues got them from years of pain. This is how generational problems start: violence, neglect, and distrust. We can actually forgive each other, although forgiveness is not easy.
I have been hurt by family, friends, and colleagues, but I have sworn never to hurt anybody back because they didn't inflict the pain on me. We can forgive not for people but for ourselves to be free from bondage.
Image is Ai generated
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