One thing that is hard for most parents is to come to terms with the fact that their kids actually need privacy. But do kids really need privacy? The answer is yes. How much privacy and at what age is usually very tricky. Because every parent wants to protect their kids from known and unknown danger. With how the world is currently, parents would want to keep a tab on what goes on in the lives of their kids. Finding that balance is somehow tough because you don't want them to feel like you don't trust them at all.
Given kids privacy doesn't exist, especially when they are little. Because you can't leave a four-year-old child alone unsupervised. If left unsupervised at that age, you can come and meet a chaotic destruction in your house or their room. At that age, you will control what they watch, who they play with, and what they play with. At that age privacy is more about small things, like knocking before entering their room, letting them play on their own, and allowing them to wear their clothes by themselves. Having their own toys no one touches without their permission. It makes them feel like they have control over their world.
Those are times parents can actually control the things they do, but you see, when they become teenagers, that's when they mostly start needing their space. As little kids, whether you knock or not, they are fine, but once they get to teenage age, they want you to knock before entering for those that have their own room. You can't touch their personal belongings without their knowledge; they become a little secretive in some of the things that they do. Although sometimes they might not be hiding anything. It is just their way of figuring out life or who they are. They want to feel like an adult, not like a child anymore.
At this stage, it doesn't mean that parents should just step back completely. No. Because teenagers still need guidance, rules, and structure on how to live their lives. But they also need a sense of trust. Don't always badge into their rooms, check their phones without a solid reason, or eavesdrop on their conversations. They will become uncomfortable if they find out. If they sense you are spying on them, they will start pulling away from you. Instead, at this point, have a line of communication to give them a breather so they can feel safe around you.
Don't let them ask for privacy themselves; instead, introduce it slowly by yourself. If you give them a phone or laptop, you put a screen time rule in place. If you let them hang out with friends, you give them a time that they should be back home, to always tell you where they are going in case they change location from where they say they were going, and the punishment that comes with them breaking the trust you have in them, like lying, stealing, or sneaking out of the house without permission. Then the level of privacy you have given to them will need to be readjusted again if they disobey.a
At the end of the day, there is no better way to handle kids' privacy. Every child is different; what works for child A might not work for child B. Every parent has a value they wish to instill in their child. Some kids are very open, while some are very private. In all, don't give them too much freedom without guidance. Depending on how you handle your kids, learn to teach them independence and don't be judgmental so you can be their best friend and comforter.
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