Not Yet Ready to be a Mom

In the month of January, when I found out I was pregnant, I didn't expect it! I really had mixed emotions that time, as in! Actually, I really don't know what I should have felt.  * _{Lead Image created using [CANVA](https://www.canva.com/design/DAGxX8m37nw/N-KwAU7NMCmUbN4fHlq3gw/edit?ui=eyJEIjp7IlQiOnsiQSI6IlBCZ0pEUTNsY2pxOXhGS1MifX19&utm_content=DAGxX8m37nw&utm_campaign=designshare&utm_medium=link2&utm_source=sharebutton)} * Getting pregnant when you're not ready to have a baby is not easy. At that time it wasn't easy for me to accept! I cry a lot. It's hard for me to accept; there's so much going through my mind. After all, it's all my fault, but I still can't help but to worry. I am so worried about what my family will say to me; what will be their reaction because I get pregnant? You know the judgement is because we aren't married yet. Not only my family but also our relatives and our neighbors—I'm pretty sure they gossip my situation. There are a lot of judgemental people in our barangay; that's why I'm so scared. Also, I'm disappointed because I told myself before that I'm not really going to have a baby if I'm not successful yet and I can't give a good life to my future baby, And then suddenly its happening to me; I carry a baby on my womb. >*I don't say, I don't want my baby it's just the way I got pregnant and my situation that time. I wasn't ready to have one. I was so worried to my baby on his situation by my side, maybe I can't give him a good life in the future or maybe, maybe I may not be a good mother/parent to him. That's what was on my mind at that time (sobrang naguguluhan)* And when my family knows about this, that I am having problems with my pregnancy. Because my boyfriend told them. Then they comfort me, telling to me that it's okay having a baby and they understand me. suddenly they give me advice that I shouldn't worry because it is a blessing from Above, and they are excited to see my baby. Besides, I'm at the right age to get pregnant and have my own family. They supported me, always, and they showed me that every day. I thought they would say something hurtful or unpleasant, to hear but it turned out differently. Also, all my thoughts weren't right. I felt at ease that time because of the help and support of my family, especially the father of my baby. Because of that I didn't blame myself anymore; they always told me that I could do it. that's why I'm getting stronger, but I love my baby so much even though I'm worried. My husband is always by my side to support me; he take care of me; every check up, he's there to accompanied me. He buy my vitamins, fruits and milk so that our baby is healthy. He also accompanies me on my morning walk. He always sang a song to our baby in my belly and said that he would help me too if I give birth to him. He make make sure always that I am safe because he supported me every move I made. I am Proud and happy I have a husband like him and I thank the Lord for that ⁠♡ *(I don't have any picture of my pregnancy because my cellphone broke and all my pictures will there.)*  October 12 was when I gave birth to my very handsome baby boy, giving birth is not easy even though it was a normal delivery. When I gave birth, I felt all the pain and suffering of pregnant women in the emergency room. that I had only seen before, I had no idea how it felt and I had no intention of finding out. But it happened to me. I can't explain the feelings I have while giving birth, how much it hurts, how you don't know what to do to relieve your feelings, the nervousness that I might not be able to handle it and the feeling that you would be ashamed to open up to the doctor but you have no choice. But after I give birth to him, it's all worth it. 🤍  By the way,When I have birth to him, he ate a little dirt; he didn't eat it inside my stomach. When he came out only, it's just touched on his lips, so the doctor observed him, and then the next morning the doctor talked to us that we needed to stay in the hospital for seven days because he needed antibiotics. So I couldn't help it either because I had to make sure nothing would happen to him when we went home; every time he was given an injection, I cried too because I felt sorry for him. Untill the seven days were over and we went home.  Every time I look at my son, I told to myself that I shouldn't regret that he came into my life because the truth is, even though I'm the one gave birth to him but he is the one who gave me life. everytime I see his smiling,it makes me happy too.. all of my nervous, tired and sad feeling suddenly disappear, he is the reason why I have the courage now. The one who used to be shy and quiet before has became brave and stronger today, the feeling that I am ready to face all the trials and struggle in life. I learned what they say: *" Face your fears". Sometimes in life we think we're not ready, but when we're in the situation, kaya rin pala.* --- **Thank you for Reading...**