8 years ago, I started my journey on hive and trust me it was one of the most cherished things in my life at the moment. I remember this being my string of hope during COVID, waking up everyday and having something to do while world was full of despair.
8 years to that... and today, everything in between is what I would say was a roller coaster for me, quite literally. Growing up I had a lot of dreams, hobbies, hopes and a passion to do something. I always had this fire within me to be everything, to heal and help and create a difference. And I was quite much on my journey to do so as well, until it became too tiring and hard to carry. I wondered how someone can grow so distant from oneself that when you look back you won't even recognize who you were, or rather, who you are. And then, I became one of them.
2017- I was diagnosed with PCOD, now I know it is not that distant of an illness given the lifestyle we all carry. But as a teen, it still came as a shocker to me. I was pursuing Chartered Accountancy and was managing it all, I said to myself- okay, bring it on!! Will see who wins. I fought, and continued fighting from it, unless I realized maybe I wasn't that stronger.
2020- I was diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety. Well as cliche as it can sound, the crisis hit me and I was dragged to the ground. I had (still have) Androgenic Alopecia, highly deficit body parameters and obviously PCOD. My health went for a toss and the medicines added to it. Well, I was atleast a Chartered Accountant, but I guess that thread of hope could not fight longer on my behalf.
2023- While I was still managing the health and work, I was blessed with the most toxic relationship of my life. And I guess that was the last straw for me. I changed cities, company, distanced myself from everyone just so I could silence the pain inside me. I would quietly sit in my room and cry for hours, skip dinner, skip sleeping, and just cry for hours and hours until exhaustion kicked in. If there's anyone who has been in this state (I hope not), would know how it feels, this state of nothingness- where you feel so much but at the same time nothing at all, where you know something inside you is dying everyday but you don't have the courage to save it, where all you know is to mourn the loss while you see a part of yourself vanishing into nothingness forever. And ironically, it's a one way traffic, you never quite really can revive yourself from it. You can only move on and move forward.
2025- And here I am today, 2 years of mourning for the one that I lost. It took me 2 years to gather the courage to finally accept that a part of me was gone. However now I don't mourn anymore (or atleast don't want to). I have realised that you cannot move forward unless you leave past your demons and set yourself free. Honestly, I am yet too far from setting myself free but I am trying to get there. As a teenager I loved blogging and writing, it felt like a way of expressing myself, like there was a voice to myself (it was kind of therapeutic), and now that I am starting my journey to accept, heal and move forward- I am getting back to the thing I loved the most- writing.
I am a big advocate of mental health and if unattended- how it can ruin not just you but the life of the people around you. With this post today, I am giving myself a chance to rewrite my journey and not let my setbacks define me.
So.... HELLO HIVERS, I am ready to unlearn, and learn everything which will make me a better person!!
As I said, I am a big advocate of Mental Health and being one of the fighters myself, I would be open to anyone who is willing to catch up on this. The more you talk, the more it will get easy. Let's help each other through the rough patch.