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Eight-year-old Gracie Trent always worked to make sure that the people around her had all the best information quality eavesdropping could provide, and she was catching new neighbor ten-year-old Glendella Ludlow up on some things.
“OK, so there are still a few things you need to know about living around here, Glendella, not because you like to get into trouble, but to understand what happens. Obviously you've met my parents and grandparents, and no one with any sense messes with them, but don't sleep on my biggest sister Vanna. Don't sleep on Vanna.”
“But she's so sweet, though!” Glendella said.
“And she is,” Gracie said, “but see, it's like this. Nobody gets madder than people who are mad that you made them mad. It doesn't happen around here, but some of these phone calls are as epic as what we get when dumb folks call Upgrade Papa.”
“Oh, that's a high level,” Glendella said.
“So, there was this high school friend who called Vanna yesterday who said some dumb stuff about Vanna getting all uppity because she's in W&L University online now and must think she's getting with Washington and Lee all the sudden. She got told that it would be better to be with Washington and Lee because at least they know they are done rather than wasting time trying to find the best clique of dumb girls chasing boys that aren't going anywhere and getting ready to repeat their parents' cycles!”
“Ouch – yikes!” Glendella said.
“It's like you take my grandmother the sharpshooter and my grandmother who can say what she wants to say and walk away from any situation at the same time,” Gracie said. “I've been tracking this for about two years, and I'm telling you: I just know people are on the floor while Vanna is blocking their number and acting like they no longer exist because after all that, their ego doesn't!”
“Oh, this is what they mean by ego death,” Glendella said.
“Yep,” Gracie said, “and it's a special kind of talent. Your Upgrade Papa is another master of that, but don't sleep on Vanna, because there's levels to this thing.
“See, Pop-Pop is not going to come at anybody that way – he just lets people run their mouths while he turns on his money magnets and they go broke, because a billionaire has an awful lot of money magnets.”
“Bank account death!” Glendella said.
“Yep,” Gracie said. “And then there's Grandma Jubilee, Dad's mom – she's also not going to be wasting her time fussing with you. She's gonna to either say one thing that is going to shut you up, or let a long gun explain the situation.”
“Actual death!” Glendella said.
“Yep,” Gracie said. “I don't think anything has happened recently, but there's stories about mountain situations. And then there's Grandma Velma, and her whole thing is 'I told you, I been tellin' y'all, I been tellin' y'all, bye.”
“Abandonment – the fate worse than death!” Glendella said.
“Yep,” Gracie said. “Grandma Velma knows she is the most important person beside God in her own life. She is not going to waste time on any foolishness. Vanna is right there with her, but with Grandma Jubilee's kind of approach thrown in.”
“I feel like we can learn a lot from Vanna,” Glendella said.
“Ain't it the truth,” Gracie said. “Some of the best quality eavesdropping we do here comes from Vanna, because she is sweet and she spends a lot of time trying to help her friends out. There's a lot to learn. If you don't want to be in the best cliques of dumb girls, don't sleep on Vanna.”