Gladys Jubilee Trent was not expected to sojourn and take over grandparent assist as Grandma Jubilee from the Stepforths in the Trent home just yet, so Sgt. Vincent Trent knew something was up in the family when his mother pulled up at the home in Tinyville.
“Yeah, Cousin Belle is going through it, but that's OK – I got this worked out. I just need you to call Belle while I talk with this individual that doesn't know that today, he is going to stop beating on her. I need you to just get her location, and if she's still in the house there, I need you to convince her to touch grass for a minute.”
“Are we popcorning or notebooking?” eleven-year-old Velma Trent said to her big sister days-from-18-year-old Vanna.
“Notebooking,” Vanna said.
Baby sister eight-year-old Gracie heard that, and then went and got all her Ludlow friends from next door.
“See, y'all know that y'all have men in your family to do stuff, but on your brown grandparents' side, everybody is ready,” she explained to eleven-year-old Eleanor, ten-year-old Glendella, eight-year-old Edwina, and seven-year-old Amanda.
“And I am here for it – I love Grandma Jubilee!” Edwina said. “She brings all the smoke and I love her so much!”
So all the Ludlow girls were assembled with their notebooks too as Sgt. Trent made his call.
“Hey, Belle, how are you? No, I'm not calling to talk with you about James again; we're past all that. Where are you right now? Out shopping? Good – what's on sale at Big Discounts for Your Loft today?”
Grandma Jubilee smiled and made her call.
“Hello, Mr. Coward – yes, I know your name is Cowher but you're a woman beater, so, it don't matter. Your name is Coward and it's about to be dead, because the woman you're beating on is named Belle Jubilee Sykes. You have about ten minutes to get out of Smallwood, and don't let us catch you on the road.”
She hung up the phone and started up the car.
“Keep Belle on the phone, Vincent,” she said, “until I call you.”
“Oh, it is about to be a whole Jubilee hunting party,” Eleanor said.
“See, this is why you gotta live right, because you don't want to be in any of that,” Velma said.
“That's not safe!” Amanda said. “That's not safe at all!”
“And this is why Vanna just doesn't date anybody and why Velma and I won't either,” Gracie said, “because stupid boys are first stupid, and then already have pre-printed invitations to Jubilee hunting parties if they get real dumb.”
“Yeah, it's basically the same thing over here,” Eleanor said. “When your grandfather is 'Hell to Pay,' your cousin is 'Angel of Death' and already earned his stripes at age 13 in a Lee-of-the-mountain hunting party, and your sister is Edwina, what's the point of even bothering with somebody who is going to have to die the minute they make you cry or put a mark on you?”
“I'm definitely protecting all y'all!” Edwina said. “You got that part right! We've already been through enough fighting for our lives! We're not putting up with any stupidity!”
“Yeah, that was clear when Bad Grandma came through here and Edwina ran her right out of the neighborhood,” Glendella said. “Bad Grandma is 68. Imagine some dumb bully eight year old, trying to deal with the problems. Nope. Just not getting involved. I need smart people around me!”
“And then there's the whole Deacons of Defense thing that Dad and Melvin and Grandma Jubilee as a Deaconess Elder are also part of,” Velma said. “Whole 'nother level of problems.”
“It's really not safe to be dumb around us,” Amanda said. “Not at all!”
“And I love it here and where do I sign up?” Edwina said.
“We are distaff Lees-of-the-mountain,” Eleanor said, “so I'm sure when you are old enough Cousin Harry can get you into training after Papa does the basics with us. Lees and Jubilees do stuff together sometimes too, so, there's probably opportunities across all color lines.”
“I can't wait until Grandma Jubilee moves in with y'all!” Edwina said. “I feel like she understands where I am coming from!”
“Ain't it the truth,” Gracie said. “She and I had a real good conversation about you the other day, and she said that you are warrior-born and it can't be changed, but she's going to make time to work with you also being able to be a sweet little girl because you understand you are protected right now and will step up later. She said Amanda and I are healer-born and Grayson [the six-year-old Ludlow grandson] is builder-born, but you gotta have defense for all of that, so there have to be warrior-born people too – but we're just kids now so, we get to do that first.”
“Yeah, we get to be kids first,” Amanda said as she tackled Edwina with a hug. “No hunting party and unsafe stuff for us today!”
“But what if they need backup?” Edwina said.
“Listen,” Velma said. “Grandma is just one of hundreds of Jubilees-of-the-mountain from here to the Adirondacks to the north all the way down to Alabama. We've got backup – everybody in the family who isn't legally blind can long-shoot!”
“Which basically means Mr. Cowher really needs to get up outta here, like, now,” Gracie said. “See, there's hunting parties, and there's Jubilee restraining orders if you survive the first one – you can't get within a country mile of anyone we're protecting. And then Grandma Jubilee is going to have to really talk to Cousin Belle and warn her: you just can't have that name Jubilee, or even be related like that, and let anybody be around you. It's truly not safe for you, and not safe for other people either.”
“I would ask how y'all live with that kind of pressure,” Eleanor said, “but we totally understand.”
“Yep,” Glendella said. “I mean, I am from a branch of the Ludlow branch that does play, and I can tell you: this is way better. I mean, when you know your people are going to protect you and the only thing you gotta do is work with it – it's much better than living with a family that plays around with its life.”
“Yep; we're outta foster care situations and we definitely know that,” Eleanor said.
“That's actually why I'm always looking for backup because I didn't have any,” Edwina said, “but I do have to say Papa, Grandma, and Cousin Harry do stay on top of things, and don't sleep on Cousin Maggie either although she is really sweet!”
“Yeah, your adults are on top of things like our adults are,” Velma said.
“Ain't it the truth,” Gracie said. “All we gotta do is work with it.”