“So, details matter, and so one of the differences between our grandparents' house and our cousins' house is that a cup of tea is complicated – it's good, but Cousin Harry is just different than Cousin Maggie.”
Seven-year-old Amanda Ludlow was explaining more of the facts of life to cousin-turned-adopted-sister ten-year-old Glendella Ludlow about their Lee cousins.
“See, Cousin Maggie and Grandma will be trading tea bags and stuff,” Amanda said, “but Cousin Harry has a whole tea-making process that he does every day that involves real twigs and bark and leaves and fruit and stuff, and it's different every day.”
“Sounds interesting, actually,” Glendella said. “I like variety. I don't have a problem with tea in bags, but, I'm also good with learning. It sounds like Cousin Harry makes tea like Upgrade Papa makes soda.”
“Well, yeah, kinda, because they have the same great-grandparents, Horatio and Ainslee Lee,” Amanda said, “and a lot of the recipes are the same. So, like the Calm Mile soda is really chamomile tea and apple juice with bubbles – but see, Papa Horatio had an apple tree and didn't like to use sugar, so he put apple juice in his tea, and so all his kids did that. My great-grandmother is his daughter Hilda, and that's also Cousin Harry's big aunt.”
“I see Lees have family history stuff going on like Ludlows do,” Glendella said. “Grumps used to always smoke a certain type of tobacco because it is what Papa Tarquin did – but that's not old Uncle Tarquin, because Uncle Tarquin doesn't smoke and can't stand tobacco. It's kinda like Grumps did so much because Papa Tarquin was doing it back when the family had slaves, but that's why Uncle Tarquin won't: he actually knows all that stuff is over.”
Amanda thought about this.
“Well,” she said, “you do gotta know when stuff is over. Apple juice and tea are nice. Cigar smoke and slavery aren't: they kill people.”
“Yep,” Glendella said. “I mean, you could drink too much apple juice or tea, I guess, but before that you would be in the bathroom way too much to keep going.”
“Too much soda will have you bubbling from both ends, too,” Amanda said. “There was this guy who was doing a boot challenge on soda and that thing was like three bottles in a boot and he went live and just got it all down but then realized that wasn't safe and was still on live when he found out.”
“Oh, no,” Glendella said.
“Grandma wouldn't let us watch the rest, but we heard about it,” Amanda said. “Papa had to put out a whole statement: 'Don't waste our soda like that. Buy the corporate stuff and save your money.'”
“Because no!” Glendella said. “Why would anybody do that on some good Ludlow Bubbly? There's quality in that – I love all three flavors and I'm glad to be part of this branch of the family because our stuff doesn't turn people green and all.”
“What?” Amanda said.
“If you drink alcohol long enough, it kills your liver, so first you turn yellow as a warning, then you turn green if you miss the yellow light – straight ahead to death,” Glendella said. “I mean, the Ludlow Winery wine was way too expensive for people to do that, but there's a lot of cheap wine out there too, and I just am glad not to be associated with that, because once people can't afford high-cost wine, they go get that cheap stuff, and they blow through that yellow light quick.”
“Wait a minute,” Amanda said. “Doesn't the yellow light go to red?”
“It does on streetlights,” Glendella said. “On people, it goes straight to green and death just comes on through the intersection and does pickups.”
“That's not safe,” Amanda said. “I mean, you are supposed to look both ways before crossing the street anyway, but that's hard when you're drunk. Papa and Cousin Harry go through a lot with their Army friends who drink. Cousin Harry just lost two.”
“It's really sad,” Glendella said. “But that's probably why Cousin Harry makes really good complicated tea and Upgrade Papa makes soda. Giving people better choices is love, too.”
“Yep,” Amanda said. “That's how I know that although Papa is 'Hell to Pay' Ludlow and Cousin Harry is 'Angel of Death'' Lee, they really do love people – and Uncle Sergeant next door, too, because his family used to make moonshine, but they make soda with us.”
“Oh, yeah, my great-grandfather was trying to figure out how to kill Sgt. Trent's grandfather because Sgt. Trent's grandfather was selling more moonshine than the Ludlow Winery was selling wine,” Glendella said. “Jealousy kinda runs in the family because that's why Grumps was calling over here, mad that your grandfather now my Upgrade Papa was selling more soda – but when you keep raising the prices for the same old thing, what do you expect to happen?”
“How long did y'all have the Ludlow Winery?” Amanda said.
“Papa Tarquin started it around 1720, so basically, 300 years of selling the same old thing and raising the prices until folks were paying almost as much in money as years,” Glendella said.
Amanda thought about this.
“That's a lot of broken piggy banks,” she said. “Sooner or later, people are gonna start loving their piggies and leaving the same old thing alone.”
“Which is why Upgrade Papa owns what is left of the Ludlow Winery today, and why Uncle Tarquin is going to buy it as the Ludlow Historical Soda Company tomorrow to finally turn all those recipes into something new,” Glendella said. “It's about time!”
“For somebody that old -- like, old old, because Papa is old,” Amanda said, “your Uncle Tarquin has a very young and fun mind! Your birth family Ludlows are not all bad!”
“Yeah, Uncle Tarquin's family is really nice, and you know Uncle Vanderbilt and Aunt Susanna – they'll be back after they settle stuff in Smallwood,” Glendella said. “But I'm glad I'm here – this is where God told me to go and He was right.”
“We should go partake in some complicated tea from Cousin Harry and discuss this further,” Amanda said. “You gotta use big words when you get ready to drink his stuff.”