After all the serious conversations of the previous days, Tarquin Ludlow IV was delighted to get a call from Capt. Robert Edward Ludlow Sr. about what Robert Edward Ludlow III was up to on a particular morning.
“I want you to know that your imminent purchase of the Ludlow Historical Soda Company is going to pay for the higher education of this little mind right here, boldly exploring big numbers at five years old,” the elder Robert purred about five-year-old Lil' Robert before just putting the phone down and letting the elder Ludlow listen to the conversation Lil' Robert and neighbor nine-year-old Milton Trent were having.
“I don't see why people don't understand how not to fumble the bag,” Milton was saying, “but, the way you explain it, maybe it is easy.”
“It is, because, see, Andrew was doing algebra and showed me and it all makes sense now,” Lil' Robert said. “There really aren't numbers that we gotta worry about, and, see, a lotta people just don't.”
“This is kinda new thinking for me because it's like I know my grandfather is like super rich,” Milton said, “but your grandfather is getting up there too and it doesn't seem to be a thing for y'all.”
“It would be if we had to like, count it, but, see, you can count to any number with ten fingers, or really three,” Lil' Robert said, “see, because, you can count to ten, but you can also just say, one, two, skip a few, 10 – and boom, done!”
“That's a heck of a shortcut because you can put any number in there,” Milton said.
“Yep, because, see if you add the money your grandfather has and mine too and it's a zillion dollars, you just one, two, skip a lot, a zillion – and boom, done!”
“You could get up to infinity real quick,” Milton said. “One, two, skip a whole lot, infinity!”
“And boom, done!” Lil' Robert said. “There's so much other stuff to than to be doing all that counting, see, because we ain't got time for all that!”
“Nope – but where does the algebra come in?” Milton said.
“You can make any number into any other number real quick,” Lil' Robert said. “I keep telling y'all Papa and I are twins, and, see, algebra, because five times eleven is 55, and plus three is 58 – and boom, done! We're the same age, plus algebra stuff!”
Milton worked this out in his head.
“Well, I'll be – nine times seven is 63, plus three is 66, so I'm the same age as my grandfather too, plus algebra – you just gotta figure out the number you need to help you, and that's where the X goes until you find it!”
“Yep – and boom, done!” Lil' Robert said. “When you math right, life gets easy – but, see, this is why people fumble the bag, see, because, it's too easy.”
“Yeah, some people need to use the other counter at the bank – the regular one that does the regular math, because some people can't handle the power of the skip and the algebra,” Milton said. “They need to like have three and four billion dollars in one-dollar bills and just sit there and get an understanding for a while.”
“Yep – but, see, do you smell that?” Lil' Robert said. “That's lunch. We got more important things to do.”
“Yeah, and are we about to have a great lunch at my house!” Milton said. “Hey, Pop-Pop! Did you know you and I are really the same age, and I can prove it with algebra?”
Tarquin IV had put his phone on mute, and it was a long time before he came off after the elder Robert picked up his phone again.
“Listen, Robert,” Tarquin IV said, “you are not in my will. Why are you trying to have your darling baby grandson and his friend assassinate me and my wife with laughter?”
“This is my every day, and what I live for in God's plan for my life,” the elder Robert said. “This is what you and Mr. Stepforth next door are really investing in. This is also why I had to put Astor in his place – nobody threatens what I am doing for my family and escapes me unscathed.”
“I completely understand,” Tarquin IV said. “Astor had no business calling to threaten your company, especially not without checking the documents first about who owns the family patents. That of course got us here by the long way, and we are going to make sure that your little budding applied mathematician actually does get all the education he needs along with all his siblings. It would frankly be criminal to release a mind like Robert Edward Ludlow III's into the world without proper preparation, because whether right or wrong, he is going to carry people with him. Milton is almost twice his age, and is about to get laughed out of his own home!”
“Yeah, my baby grandson has the power – that's his Lee blood, for Robert Edward Lee Sr. was the youngest son, and yet utterly dominated that entire family in his generation,” the elder Robert said.
“Edwina and Eleanor too seem to be dominant personalities, although Eleanor is already such a lady one hardly notices – but she is the queen of your grandchildren, and all the way down at the other end, Lil' Robert is the king, with Edwina holding the balance of power in exactly the middle.”
“You know, I hardly ever think of it that way, Cousin Tarquin, but you are right. My other four, out of my daughter Anne, are big personalities, but they are less forward.”
“Andrew is the prime minister, though,” Tarquin IV said. “He is the elder statesman of your grandchildren, and quietly has great power, too, in service to the good of his siblings and also you and Thalia. George is like my son Archibald; he just wants to be, and Grayson just wants to build and Amanda wants to keep everyone and everything safe and encouraged.”
“Those three are very much alike in that sense,” the elder Robert said. “Human beings, not human doings, and very much centering themselves in that.”
“And then Baby Glendella, our mutual beloved – she will eventually be much like Eleanor,” Tarquin IV said.
“Yes – she has been suppressed but is definitely coming alive! I did not plan to take on an eighth adoptee, but I thank God He found me and Thalia worthy, because Glendella is a joy to us forever!”
“And now, Robert, when I close my eyes to this world at last, I shall do so in more peace, knowing she is where she needs to be. You will be in my will after all, Robert, so far as you will administer a trust for her. But move with haste in getting a real math tutor for Robert III, lest he grow up to be a creative accountant of the type some of my nephews like!”
Turnabout is fair play, and Tarquin IV listened with great satisfaction as Robert Sr. fell out laughing.
"And, boom, done!" Mrs. Agatha Ludlow said, putting her two cents in so that her husband would crack up too.