Photo by the author, Deeann D. Mathews
“The thing about being Papa – not just a biological dad or granddad, is that the work never stops, Glendella. To you I am Upgrade Papa, so yes, I get tired at the end of the day, because having a lot of kids is hard. Having them and not putting the time in is a whole lot harder in the end, though, and as you know from the stories of your adopted siblings, I've been on both ends of that.”
“Yeah, but, Upgrade Papa,” ten-year-old Glendella Ludlow said, and squeezed a little harder on the random hug of encouragement she was giving him, “you were an Army captain. You had to keep your oaths.”
“Yeah, but, Upgrade Cousin-now-my-daughter,” Capt. Ludlow purred gently, “if I wasn't around for you, it wouldn't matter to you why in terms of stopping that pain. Good Grandma would do all she could, but it wouldn't be fun.”
“Yeah, I know, and I'm really glad you're here, because that helps us learn how to be here for each other, too,” Glendella said. “I'm just saying, I understand.”
“Because you are in a position to understand, being the age of my grandchildren, not my children,” Capt. Ludlow said, “and meeting me in a time of my life when I am making time.”
“You know, you can be rough on folks – I don't know if Grumps is ever going to get over you putting him in his place – but the thing is, Upgrade Papa, you really do think and care about the needs of other people. Men like you don't usually do that.”
“I wasn't always like this,” Capt. Ludlow said, “but the Lord Jesus, Who cares the most, has a good grip on my heart now.”
“I actually believe He does,” Glendella said, “because I know Him myself, and I feel His love twice removed from you and Good Grandma, and Andy, and Ellie, and even George when he's not about to test a window for movie breakability and get killed or grounded instead, and Edwina, and definitely Amanda and Grayson and Robert!”
“Then we are doing what we are supposed to be doing on this earth, Glendella,” Capt. Ludlow said, and bent down and kissed her forehead. “Run along now and get dressed for bed.”
He raised his voice slightly to cover a particular ringtone he was hearing on his cell phone, and was glad Glendella had reminded him of who he was becoming before answering it.
“Tristan,” he said to the other grandfather of grandchildren Eleanor (11), Edwina (8), and Lil' Robert (5), “let me step outside because our grandchildren are getting ready for bed.”
Capt. Ludlow marveled at it … his second wife had been married to a Green, but from the West Coast, and so Green had come in that way as a middle name for the grandchildren they had adopted … but Tristan and Isabelle Green did not have their name in their own grandchildren's middle spot. When you drop the ball that far...
But because of the conversation with Glendella, Capt. Ludlow felt compassion for his fellow grandfather, who was paying and was going to keep paying the price for not stepping up for his own grandchildren after the loss of his daughter. Granddaughter Edwina had kid-cussed him and that whole branch of the family out in a spectacular meltdown, and Eleanor had quietly co-signed it. Lil' Robert did not even remember his other grandparents … so, at this point, it was a total loss for Tristan Green through Ellen.
“I just called to tell you, Robert, that Isabelle and I have made it through rehab,” Mr. Green said to Capt. Ludlow. “Thank you for your support.”
“Of course, Tristan. Give Isabelle my congratulations also.”
“We were thinking about having a little get-together to celebrate – non-alcoholic, of course.”
“I appreciate the invitation, but of course there is the pandemic to consider even for your own safely. We're not getting any younger, Tristan.”
There was a pause … Capt. Ludlow had been as kind as he could, knowing where Mr. Green was going.
“Yeah, that is true, but sometimes you just need to get the family together and celebrate the big wins, you know.”
“I do know, Tristan, and sometimes you have to know that you and God are enough. The greatest victories are not always the loudest ones with the biggest crowds.”
“That's easy for you to say, Robert – you have your lost son's children with you. I don't have my daughter's!”
Capt. Ludlow breathed deeply and calmed himself before answering.
“One of the things you are going have to do not to relapse is take responsibility for the consequences of your decisions in 2018, Tristan. You can wallow in the pain, or you can understand there's no easy road back. There will be no more correspondence between you and any member of your family with Edwina or Eleanor until Edwina or Eleanor asks for it. You and Isabelle didn't show up for them, so they do not have to show up for you, ever. They don't owe you anything, Tristan, except a modicum of respect. You are the father of their mother. Edwina will understand later on why I had to discipline her for lashing out at you like that. But understand that she has said the last word she is going to say to you until she is mature enough to work through her emotions and choose to – and if she never chooses, you have to live with that.”
“But what about my choices to have my family be together again?” Mr. Green said. “Why doesn't that count for anything with you?”
“I paid for your rehab, Tristan,” Capt. Ludlow said, “like I paid for Ellen's rehab, and for the same reason. I literally have paid for every chance you and yours have to do right by Eleanor, Edwina, and Lil' Robert, in the last twelve years. We're not getting any younger, Tristan. I'm getting old … and tired.”
There was a long pause. Capt. Ludlow knew Ellen Green had told her father how Capt. Ludlow had cut off Robert Edward Ludlow Jr. and her off from all further monies – so Mr. Green knew he was getting a warning.
“Get your life together, Tristan,” Capt. Ludlow said. “Because we share three beautiful grandchildren, and it is not in their interest to be cut off from their mother's family any more than is absolutely necessary, I want you and Isabelle to get well so that if your grandchildren someday change their minds, you will be healthy and ready. Focus on that. Ellen is gone like Robert Jr. is gone. We can still do the right thing for their children. Get your life together. If I can help you as you do that, I always will.”
There was another long pause.
“I wish I were as strong a man as you are, Robert,” Mr. Green said.
“You can catch up,” Capt. Ludlow said. “The Lord shares His strength generously, but you've got to get serious about Him.”
“Yeah, I need to think about all that now,” Mr. Green said. “Can't keep seeking distractions … I know you are telling me the truth. We're not getting any younger, after all.”
“Set your mind on hearing 'Well done, my good and faithful servant,' a decade or two hence,” Capt. Ludlow said. “Robert Jr. was my son, so you can tell I didn't always have my life together either. But the Lord made the difference – He can do it for you too. Now that you have stopped worshiping the bottle, just go all the way.”
“I'm kind of an old Prodigal Son,” Mr. Green said, “but yeah, I hear you... and I hear Who you echo. What's that church y'all are going to online now?”
“The Good Neighbors Fellowship – I'll text you, Tristan.”
“OK, thanks. One thing I have to give you, Robert: you always have kept it real. A man doesn't have to wonder where he stands with you.”
“The world has enough confusion to not have me adding to it, Tristan.”
“Good night, Robert; I'll check in with you after we've checked out the fellowship.”
“Call me any time, Tristan.”
Meanwhile, eleven-year-old Eleanor and ten-year-old Glendella were doing quality eavesdropping, and quickly went back to their room to discuss what they heard.
“I was sure he was going to drop that line from the original Star Wars – that second movie where Darth Vader kills the guy after the rebels get away,” Glendella said.
Eleanor sighed.
“You have failed me for the last time, Tristan Green,” she intoned, dropping her voice to the bottom. “Yeah, it coulda happened because it basically happened to my dad, but see, my Bad Grandpa is trying to get good. Dad and Mom just stopped trying.”
“I totally understand because I can't even remember when Grumps and Bad Grandma ever tried, and as bad as they were, I understand why Mom and Dad after so many years of it had to run. I don't like that they left me, but I get it, because I ran too, just quicker.”
“Trying-to-Get-Good-Grandpa doesn't know how good he has it, though,” Eleanor said. “It surprised me that he even tried the 'invite them over' trick – I mean, Papa is one of those that you will never know you have messed with him for the last time until it is too late. He makes up his mind long before the average person even knows there is a problem!”
“Yeah, but, it's why George is still alive,” Glendella said. “Upgrade Papa is kinda like God; he knows folks don't completely get it, but, unless you have made up your mind that all you want is foolery, he's not going to wipe you out.”
Eleanor considered this.
“Kinda,” Eleanor said. “I hadn't even thought about it that way, but yeah, Papa has grown a lot and he gives other people a chance too, even adults, because ain't no way after Edwina broke down like that that any member of my mother's family needed to survive. Eddie's foster parents are going to be trying not to get out on good behavior or parole, hoping they are in prison long enough for Papa to just die before they are put out unprotected – I mean he showed them the crazy so deep that they were twitching in the court the next day every time he looked over at them before they changed their plea just to get out of there, so yeah, he could take my mother's family clean out. But yeah, Trying Grandpa is moving in the right direction. Don't know how my Bad Grandma is doing, though.”
“But that's none of your business until you want it to be your business,” Glendella said. “I'm just telling you from my experience that it's best to let sleeping Bad Grandmas lie.”
“Yep,” Eleanor said. “Edwina can't take it and I don't need the drama, and Bad Grandma is no more ready than your Grumps was to have to have Papa get on the phone and into his legal stuff to let it be known what is and what is not going to happen. Everybody is safer the way it is. It's sad, but, we gotta keep it real.”
“Yeah,” Glendella said, “but at least we have the Lord, the family, and each other.”
“Yeah,” Eleanor said, and shared a warm hug with Glendella before the two got into their beds and were bid good night by the entering Ludlow grandparents, both of whom had been doing quality eavesdropping right outside the girls' door.
“And that's why I didn't cuss the man clean out,” Capt. Ludlow said to Mrs. Thalia Ludlow when they were at last in bed. “One of us grandfathers actually has to think about what is right for these grandchildren, and one of us has to call on the Lord to do it!”
“One more encounter, done God's way,” Mrs. Ludlow said.
“Yes, and Tristan Green can be thankful that he doesn't even know yet how good God is to let him keep making excuses with me not reading him clear back to 2008!” Capt. Ludlow said. “But God is good! We live and let others live by that!”