Behave!

It’s often said that the world is overpopulated. I don’t believe it. The real problem is that most people take up too much space. Let’s face it, half of you eat enough for two and occupy double the space of normal-sized people such as myself.

If there’s one human behaviour I could eradicate, it’d be gluttony. Apparently the colour yellow makes people hungrier, so I’d ban that outright and repaint everything in blue to suppress appetites.

D’y’know yesterday, we drove four hours round trip to score 20 litres of raw milk. It’s a scarce commodity here. In that time, my oversized half-sibling managed to demolish six jam tarts, two Magnums, and two Caprisuns, while I sipped a single bottle of water. If only everyone were more like me. 

I’m sure there are some studies somewhere that show diets loaded with artificial flavours and preservatives dull intelligence and concentration. Needless to say, I didn’t get an intelligent word out of the bugger before he nodded off in a sugar coma.

Another behaviour I’d happily consign to the dustbin is the blind habit of voting, that little game where you’re presented with a row of shovels and told to take your pick. It’s the illusion of choice. The faces may change, but the agenda stays the same: coercion, oppression, and subjugation. Worse still, the very act of participation is taken as consent. What if they held an election and no one showed up? Now that would be democracy worth having. Vote with your feet!

Which brings me to the most destructive behaviour of all: paying income tax. You waste years studying, get a decent job, and work hard, all so the government can redistribute your money to someone who didn’t. That's madness, not to mention robbery. If this yoke around people’s necks were removed, I believe the world would be a profoundly different place.

Not that it’ll matter much longer. In a few years we’ll all be replaced by robots anyway, left to sit at home, snacking on bugs while we watch Love Island and dutifully vote on which bronzed Ken and Barbie get another week in the dollhouse.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-. Posted in response to galenkp's weekend experience prompt asking 'What three behaviours do you wish you could eradicate from humanity and why?'

The images are mine