Disclaimer: The blog is written from the author's point of view, based on his observations. The author found that the majority of Pakistani women face similar problems. Others may not disagree with this narrative, and the author has no intention of stereotyping all Pakistanis. Author also acknowledges that a large population of women are successful in escaping this unfavorable conditions.
Cultural Variations in Nurturing
Culture varies throughout the world, and no one can deny this variation. In each aspect, it has acceptance and rejections. Let's discuss a few aspects of living and nurturing the new generation.
If we look into American culture, we see marriages happening in maturity, where couples get separate homes either in the form of rent or by themselves. Both partners are mutually involved in managing and continuing daily dealings and home management. They work together to run life on their own. If they decide to have a baby, they would have to follow the same routine work unless the medical situation needs serious attention.
Developed countries and their culture
Maternity leaves are allotted to both partners to handle the sensitive situation of delivery. The family keeps an eye on them if they need assistance ideally. From naming the newborn to later aspects, both are engulfed. No one can take any right from them as they have planned and prepared everything together as parents.
Delicate but unbreakable
Now coming toward the 4th trimester or postpartum time, ladies need assistance sometimes. I know not all ladies are delicate, and there are many strong women out there. They don't worry about pregnancy; they can tackle any shortcoming as they have built-in stamina because of an active lifestyle.
Proper diet and active lifestyle
They handle things by themselves, from day one till the last day of postpartum. They manage the baby, their own body changes, and their diet. They put a lot of effort into regaining their previous body as they have to make an active comeback in their routine life.
Exercise, hygiene, and understanding partner
Performing exercises, paying attention to their diet, and using technology in an absolute manner as their assistant. You will see them uploading videos or vlogs about their journey and guiding others through their advice. They maintain hygiene while also paying heed to the newborn’s health. And most importantly, the impact of a life partner on their life is vital. They are both involved in making this hard time a happy moment of life.
No religious influence, only the followed culture in Pakistan
Now placing a spotlight on Pakistani culture, where pregnancy is the most wanted thing after the first month of marriage. It's not fun. On a serious note, we see people interfering in couples' married life and instructing them to visit gynecologists if there is no good news after a few months of marriage. Let's go deep into this thing firstly,
Saving her marriage but absorbing toxicity
A girl is in this environment for the first time, so she has to manage her home chores and bed life at the same time, absorbing all the bad things as her mother requested her to protect this marriage.
Miscarriages due to lack of knowledge
In multiple cases, the girl who doesn't have much information about conception loses her chance due to the burden of home chores, stress, and what she receives is a urinary tract infection.
Daughter-in-law is no more a maid
Now if this happens safely, the girl is sent to her mother's house in order to save the checkup and delivery expenses. This decision is taken in both cities and villages. In rural areas, girls are sent to save the expenses; at the same time, they can't serve her as they would be suspected of taking her as a maid. No doubt in the starting months, rest is recommended, but the home chores and their psyche about it are ridiculous.
Mopping as an exercise
They consider it as an exercise. Mopping or cleaning can affect the baby, as water bag leakage may erupt. So, in order to save the daughter from becoming the victim of this experiment, they sacrifice their finances and decide to keep their daughter in their home.
A puppet husband
Now someone will say, where is the husband in this situation? Typically, they listen to their parents, and for them money is also precious, as they are not interested in taking this responsibility.
Modernization, still she belongs to them
In modern life, girls are sent to their parents' house in a liberal way. It's said that she should nourish the baby in a happy environment and that she would be delighted in her maternal house for sure. Again, husbands are puppets. No matter if they are educated, they don't want to waste their days serving their wife.
Their home and their law
Now the minister of the house, who is the mother-in-law, takes this decision in order to save the home decorum. She doesn't want to make her daughter serve this new girl, nor is she interested in doing anything for her. No matter if the girl is nourishing their generation. And don't forget that she is the lady who put all of this good news pressure on girls in the past.
From marriage to delivery, it's their daughter
About the finances, in earlier months a lot of medicines and food are needed, and in the last months, appointment times get closer, so much money is needed in this case. And then the delivery. Most of them go straight toward cesarean as vaginal delivery has no chance.
Her baby, still their baby
Now talking about the girl's mental health, she goes through a lot of trauma. Initially the good news trauma, then conception, and now keeping the baby away from these toxic things and minimizing the stress level in order to save the life of the fetus.
The delivery time
About the postpartum time, the same story is repeated: the girl who delivers the baby is now vulnerable to all the taunts about bringing a daughter or son and about the health, color, and physique of the newborn. Now all the in-laws have the opportunity to start a cold war by saying, "Look, the baby is thin; maybe they didn't have good food," or, "Look, the baby resembles the mother, she wanted her version in the baby." And if the baby is in a risky situation, they score a goal by targeting the girl responsible for this.
The afterlife
After overcoming all these hurdles, if she enters the in-laws’ house, which wouldn't become her home due to the joint family system, she has the burden of home chores. They want their work done on time along with the proper care of the baby. And about the husband. Ironically, she has to satisfy his needs too, no matter if her stitches are fresh.
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