I don’t know if its just me but I find it really hard to make friends. I liked my books and I liked my space. I didn’t know how to fit in with people. Maybe it’s my size or maybe because I never had the courage to talk out loud to people. That’s why this story feels so close to me.
I entered secondary school early, too early if you ask me. At 14, I was already finished. Most of my age mates were still in junior classes, but I was almost done. It was strange because I was always the youngest. I was really small for the classes, and because of that people looked down on me often.
I changed school while entering secondary school. On my first day, I could already see everyone walking together. Girls sitting together and gossiping. And the boys being loud and cracking jokes.
But I was on my own. I was an introverted person, I didn’t how to make friends. I was really not the type to walk up to someone and start talking.
And that was when I saw him, Maxwell. I don’t know how it even started. I just liked everything about him. He was intelligent and also very good at sports. He was every teacher’s favorite.
It felt like one of those kdramas I usually watch. Where the shy girl falls for the boy that everybody likes and she hides her feelings. I guess that was me.
I never said anything to him. Why would I? He was with girls almost every time I saw him, they were always around him.
That was how it was till SS3. Things changed a little, I finally made a friend, Vanessa. She was my size, height and we had so much in common.
At one point I wanted to tell her about my feelings but I couldn’t when she told me she liked Maxwell. And unlike me, she was bold enough to tell him she liked him and just like that, the boy I liked and my best friend started dating. She told me about things they did together, how they went out on weekends and all. They became the talk of the class.
Vanessa was bold and really friendly. I was quiet and always hiding. Of course he would notice her and not me. During the last session, she left the school and they broke up.
When she left, I was extremely sad. I lost my only close friend. It did not affect me much because well, I would soon finish school.
Sometimes, I asked myself if he would ever have liked me if I had been different even just a little bit.
Secondary school ended, and life moved on. I got into the university of my choice and I wanted to focus on my books. Whatever happened back then were just childish crushes, nothing serious.
Vanessa and I kept in touch even after 3 years, she was also in the university, but a different one. But then something unexpected happened.
I got a message from Maxwell. I have no idea how he got my number, but it was him. We started chatting. At first, it was just small talks, How are you? How is school? Then little by little, our chats got lengthier.
I thought this was my chance, we were far from each other now and there was no harm in trying. So I told him everything, how I had liked him back at school and how I never had the courage to talk. What was the worse that could happen? I had moved on, there was just a relief there after telling him everything.
And then he said he had liked me too. I had literally jumped from my bed when I saw the text. He had liked me back?
“I wanted to talk to you about it, but you were too young, 14 right? I thought you would not be able to handle it, so yeah.”
Hold on, he had liked me back? On one side, I felt happy, he had seen me too and on the other side, I was sad because time had already passed. We lost our chance. And even at that, he dated my best friend.
But just what if? What if I had told him or he had told me earlier? But none of that mattered anymore. We were not in the same place anymore. But we were still friends. Maybe that was for the best.
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