Leonard Cohen said his teacher once told him, “The older you get the lonelier you become, and the deeper the love you need. This is because, as we go through life, we tend to over-identify with being the hero of our stories. This hero isn’t exactly having fun: he’s getting kicked around, humiliated, and disgraced. But if we can let go of identifying with him, we can find our rightful place in the universe, and a love more satisfying than any we’ve ever known.”
People on social media just love to throw around this term, ‘Hero’s Journey’ without having the faintest idea what it really means. A lot of folks, from CEOs to wellness-influencers, think the Hero’s Journey means facing your fears, slaying a dragon, and gaining 100k followers on Instagram. That isn’t really what a true hero’s journey looks like.
In the real hero’s journey, the dragon slays YOU. Much to your surprise, you couldn’t make that marriage work. Much to your surprise, you turned forty with no kids, no house, and no prospects. Much to your surprise, the world didn’t want the gifts you proudly offered it.
If you are foolish, this is where you will abort the journey and start another and another. Following this path means abusing your heart over and over, again and again, for the brief injection of sweet dopamine, the illusion of winning.
But if you’re wise, you will let yourself be shattered. You return home, humbled, but with a newfound sense that you don’t have to identify with the part of you that needs to win, needs to be recognized, needs to always be the one with all the answers. This is where your transcendent life begins. This is your miraculous rebirth.
So embrace humility in everything. Be grateful for your bounties, for those glimmers of positivity you have in your river of life. Life isn’t out to get you, nor are each of your struggles your fault. There aren’t many instances where things are black and white, most often the world’s goings-on are colored in many shades of grey. Every defeat is just an angel, tugging at your sleeve, telling you that you don’t have to keep banging your head against the wall.
“Leave that striver there, trapped in his lonely ambitions. Just walk away, and life in its vastness will embrace you.” — Paul Weinfield — meditation teacher, author, songwriter
When I read this passage by Paul Weinfeld the other day it’s as though I was struck by lightning. It was one of those moments of true synchronicity. After I read this I thought, “This man is describing my life!”
The previous phase of my life was as exciting as it gets. I fulfilled a lot of personal goals that I had been working towards and dreaming about for decades. It’s common knowledge that our modern day society celebrates youth but it’s also quick to celebrate the formulaic — hustle & grind, the big achievement, and then finally that huge payoff.
What society fails to tell you is that the intoxicating euphoria of success doesn’t last forever. It’s a lot like youth, really. It's fleeting. It feels as though it’s a ride that will last forever until you wake up one morning and realize it slipped away in the night. What no influencer or motivational speaker can prepare you for is what comes afterwards.
Life quiets down. The podcast interview and collaboration requests stop. Friends who were just around to share in the excitement of your successes stop calling. In general, people just don’t come knocking at your door anymore.
When you reach this point in life it feels like you’re back right where you first started all those many years ago. You’re anxiety-ridden, afraid, filled with so many unrequited dreams and desires, so human.
Then the dust finally begins to settle. You look around and realize while you were busy riding that wave of dopamine and success, and your ego was being stroked, the world around you has drastically changed. Now many friendships have taken on a novel, much more distant, dynamic. In many ways you feel as though you’ve lost relevance.
Just like those people who rush out to get a puppy after their senior dog passes away, the desire to pick a new a brand new goal and chase after it relentlessly is strong. The true lesson isn’t to be found there.
Most of us humans, from almost the time we’re born, have an overwhelming desire to go on that Hero’s Journey. We long to feel the warm embrace of the spotlight, to be the protagonist of our own story. By all means, go on that journey if you wish. Also know you won’t find any kind of lasting fulfillment there, only disillusionment. Success isn’t a destination, really, but the trip through it takes you to a different mirror to see yourself in, one that exposes all the pores and every flaw.
As we walk further along our path the days can sometimes seem long and they can sometimes grow very lonely as well. This is when the dragon that Weinfeld mentions in the passage above really comes looking for you.
It takes a lot of courage to submit, anchor yourself firmly to this Earth, take a deep breath, and just be grateful for each and every f*cking moment. This is all there is, really, this is where we find true joy. All else is just ego and to find everything you truly desire this is precisely the thing that must be slayed. This is when you realize that dragon you were so terrified of, it was your very best friend all along.
All for now. Thanks for reading.