Self-doubt is one of those silent battles many of us fight without even realizing how heavy it feels, it starts as a small voice in our head telling us that we are not good enough, that you can’t make it, or that maybe others are right about you, it eats away your confidence little by little until you begin to believe it, I have faced self-doubt before and it almost made me give up.
When I gained admission into the university, I was so proud of myself, I had worked hard to get in and it felt like a dream come true, but shortly after, some people began to question my choice of course, they said it was too difficult for a lady, that it was meant for men because it involved a lot of field work, some gave advice that didn’t sound encouraging but I ignored them, telling myself that if men could succeed in the course, I could too, I was determined to prove them wrong.
My first and second years went well, though not without challenges but when I got to 300 level, I met a course that almost broke me completely, It was difficult, confusing, and frustrating, the lecturer didn’t explain things well, and most of the time, we were left on our own to figure things out, I would sit for hours trying to understand but the more I read, the more lost I felt, that was when self-doubt crept in again, stronger this time.
I began to remember all those voices that told me the course wasn’t for ladies, I started believing maybe they were right, I thought I wasn’t smart enough, I stopped attending group reading and even avoided some classes, I felt like I was drowning in something I couldn’t control, there was a day I sat in the library, staring at my notes and tears just fell, I was tired and ready to give up.
But somehow, I found strength through a friend, she noticed I had withdrawn and came to talk to me, she told me not to give up, that I had come too far to stop now, her words touched me deeply, that was the push I needed, I reminded myself of the girl who refused to be discouraged at the beginning and I decided to try again.
I joined a study group and started asking questions, no matter how silly they sounded, I watched videos online, borrowed textbooks from the library and spent extra time understanding what I missed in class, It was not easy but I began to see small progress, I felt a bit of hope returning slowly, my confidence came back.
When exam day came, I walked into the hall with a mixture of fear and faith, I wrote that exam with everything I had, the day the results came out, I couldn’t believe it I passed and I cried, but this time it was from happiness, that moment reminded me how powerful it is to silence self-doubt.
That experience taught me that self-doubt is not the truth, it is just fear in disguise, If I had given up, I would never have known how strong I really was, now, whenever I face something difficult, I remind myself of that moment in school, I remind myself that I once doubted my ability but still came out victorious, Overcoming self-doubt didn’t just help me pass that course, it helped me believe in myself again.
This is my response to this week's episode of #ladiesofhive community prompt anchored by @merit.ahama
Posted Using INLEO