Why Setting Standards in Relationships Can Be a Struggle for Me

 Why is it difficult to answer the question "What are you looking for in a woman?" One of my classmates asked me that question, and I was stunned. I didn't know what to answer. It also got me thinking about what I am really looking for in a partner. Do I have standards? Am I looking for something simple or more complex? I laughed and joked with her, saying the simplest way possible to address the question, "I still don't know." Maybe the reason it becomes hard to answer is that there is no right or wrong answer. When you ask someone the same question, do you believe that what comes first in their mind is the right answer? I don't think so. If it's just about physical qualifications or appearance, most people will choose the one they find pleasing, and there's nothing wrong with that. The answer is very easy. Sometimes, setting standards is somehow laughed and joked about by others, so most of us remain silent about what we are really looking for. We just keep it to ourselves. I'm afraid to set standards because I know my limits and capabilities. If people ask what I generally like, I shut my mouth. I agree when people set their standard as a woman looking for a handsome man or a successful man. But for men, standards are crucial to think about, especially for those like me who look for the future where there will be no regrets. So I am careful about the one I will be looking after. It's not a fairy tale anymore. I've seen tons of stories about that but ending as horror. When I was young, I knew what I was looking for. As far as I knew, that was a long time ago. Men like me who were raised with good care by their mother often dream of having the same partner as their mother - someone who cooks, takes care of the home, and, most importantly, cares for us. Later, I understood why others set that kind of standard. It's because we want our future child to have the same care we received when we were young. I've also heard comments about "wife material" and "trophy wife." Is there really something like this? Part of me doesn't believe it, but maybe there is. What I know is that most men dream not for themselves but for their children to be raised and loved more. That's the real talk. Not everyone might agree with me, but sometimes setting standards is a trial and error process. We first set our expectations and think it's the best one. Yet, the reality might punch us that it's not what we've been looking for. So, we set another standard, thinking it will be the best for us. It's sad, but I know some people have gone through this. It motivates me to think about the future regrets if ever I set the wrong standard or if I don't make a standard for myself. At the end of the day, the question "What are you looking for in a woman?" still remains the hardest question to comprehend. Why? I still don't know the answer. But what I do know is that it's important to set our own standards and to be true to ourselves about what we really want in a partner. It's not about pleasing others, but it's about finding someone who will complement us and make us happy.