I Am Failing to Keep My End of the Bargain ...

 ___ It is not often that I write about my writings on Hive. It is even less often that I write about my life beyond what I already share. Yesterday, I told my father that if I receive the email that they want me to mark papers again, I will not make it. Sometimes life has a funny way to test your limits. And sometimes I think we live in a simulation. Speaking about the marking job I have yesterday with my father created a path in the simulation (metaphorically speaking) and today I received the email I dread: ***Will you mark 250 exam papers?*** I knew the day would come. I just wanted it to come a bit later. I have recently completed my PhD, successfully defending it in what felt like a brutal 75 minutes session. But now I need to implement certain changes before the end of the year to the PhD. Along with that, I am teaching a course for third years, which comes with its own marking. I also have some very exciting news that I cannot talk about it really. But it basically involves re-writing my PhD. (Those that know what this means can probably put 1 and 1 together.) And now, I received more papers to mark... And I cannot say no to them because I need the money, as I am a contract lecturer and pay is not that good. So, every job that I can do, and every job that comes across my path is important. But it feels like I am not keeping my end of the bargain, on Hive, in my personal life, and with everything in general. I am hardly playing golf any longer, I have only a couple of hours in which I spend some time with my fiance, and then I try to write here on Hive. But I can hardly reply all my comments, I cannot begin to spend time reading others' writing... And it all feels like I am not keeping my end of the bargain in building communities, relationships, and growing in my own life. Is it all worth it in the end? And this is difficult question to ask because I do not have the luxury to "step out" of the "corporate world", I do not have a trust fund on which I can fall to keep on going. My country has one of the highest unemployment figures in the world, our economy is not doing so great (in the last 10 years, basic goods have doubled in price), and I am trying to start my own life with my fiance. It is kind of scary times I am entering and saying no to a paying job is not an option. But at what cost? I am feeling like I am falling so far behind, and failing to keep my end of the bargain. I guess this is just a post to say that I am sorry for not being able to be more active, and when I do post, that I cannot always reply to comments. I hoped that after the PhD, I would have more time. But it seems like I have even less time now on my hands. ...