¿Qué suceso reciente me hizo replantear mi forma programada de interactuar y aclarar mis límites personales?
Ella, en varias ocasiones, me enviaba mensajes para recalcarme constantemente lo especial que era para ella mi presencia y mi amistad, calificándola de "amistad profunda". Naturalmente, me generó una expectativa de reciprocidad cargada de afecto verbal que afianzaba la idea de que estábamos construyendo un vínculo significativo. Sin embargo, con el paso del tiempo, empecé a notar que ya habían transcurrido aproximadamente dos meses desde esas expresiones de aprecio; un período considerable, a mi entender, para que una amistad evolucionara en acciones de cercanía o presencia física fuera del plano digital, pero que a la vez me permitió percibir la incoherencia entre sus palabras y su comportamiento. Durante ese mismo período de intercambio de mensajes, noté que ella hacía planes con otras personas, especialmente con sus amigas: salían, se mostraba más interactiva, compartía fotos… De hecho, estas actividades las publicaba en sus redes sociales, lo que me permitía ver con claridad que su vida social fuera de la virtualidad era activa y diversa. Pero, curiosamente, en todo ese tiempo, nunca me propuso un encuentro; ni siquiera una mención casual sobre la posibilidad de vernos, a pesar de la constante reiteración de afecto en sus mensajes y de su aparente interés de “amistad profunda”. La última vez que salimos fue precisamente hace dos meses, y desde entonces, nuestra interacción se limitó exclusivamente al ámbito virtual; lo cual me llevó a cuestionar si la "importancia" y el "ser especial" que me atribuía se basaban únicamente en interacciones digitales. Resultó paradójico que una persona, que "valora" tanto una amistad genuina, no tomara la iniciativa para planear encuentros o sugerir pasar tiempo juntos, sobre todo cuando sí lo demostraba con otras personas. Fue entonces cuando la realidad, pasada por alto a causa de mis interacciones programadas, me reveló que ella estaba **excluyendo la interacción física conmigo, independientemente de sus expresiones de aprecio.** Y me condujo a plantearme la siguiente pregunta: ¿A qué tipo de "amistad profunda" se refería? Me pareció que su conceptualización era distinta: lo que ella categorizó como una "amistad profunda" parecía, más bien, una "amistad virtual platónica"; una amistad donde las palabras de afecto abundaban, pero la voluntad de compartir un espacio físico o construir experiencias conjuntas era inexistente. Quizás, tengan una conceptualización diferente sobre este tipo de vínculo. Para mí 👇🏻La genuinidad de una amistad se relaciona con un deseo mutuo de compartir la vida en sus diversas interacciones multifacéticas, no solo a través de una pantalla.
Aquí no terminaba todo. También pude apreciar otros detalles. En los momentos de interacción física que tuvimos y también en las conversaciones virtuales, ella siempre se inclinó hacia la superficialidad, lo que significaba que las conversaciones rara vez se alejaban de lo anecdótico, lo humorístico o lo ligero, sin abordar temas que pudieran requerir una mayor reflexión. Pienso que 👇🏻las amistades profundas no se basan únicamente en risas o en una interacción superficial, sino que también se construyen en la capacidad de compartir silencios y las complejidades de la vida, no solo sus momentos más ligeros.
Por otro lado, noté que ella buscaba resaltar mucho su propia positividad en el plano digital, lo cual estaba bien, pero, para ser franco, la situación cambiaba cuando era yo quien necesitaba expresarse; desviaba el tema hacia recuerdos agradables o cuestiones positivas para su propia complacencia. Recordé una vez que intenté expresarle que no me encontraba bien, con dolor de cabeza y tenia varias actividades por hacer y quería comunicarle más detalle. Pero, de forma abrupta, desvió la conversación hacia sus propias superaciones, buscando siempre la ligereza y la comodidad, sin mostrar interés en conectar con un aspecto más personal de mi vida. Lo que me llevó a concluir lo siguiente 👇🏻Mi espacio para compartir mis aspectos profundos no era bienvenido, y que la amistad se limitaba a un intercambio de energías siempre positivas, lo cual es irreal en una conexión humana.
Todos estos detalles, o patrones, que detecté en un momento de calma, me condujeron a reflexionar sobre mis relaciones interpersonales - hay otra que compartiré en otra ocasión - y a diferenciar, una vez más, los indicios de una conexión profunda y de una más perfilada hacia un plano superficial. Ahora bien 👇🏻¿Cómo podemos identificar esas señales que nos permitan diferenciar una amistad profunda de una que roza la superficie?
Una forma de empezar a diferenciarlas es observando cómo se desarrollan las interacciones y la calidad de las interacciones en cada relación. Por ejemplo, en la amistad superficial, persiste la ausencia de reciprocidad para planificar encuentros más allá del ámbito virtual, de enfocar las interacciones en la superficialidad y la falta de espacio para abordar temas más profundos. En contraste, la amistad profunda, no necesita que se mantenga una imagen perfecta en todo momento, posibilita el espacio para la vulnerabilidad compartida, para abordar temas importantes y compartir tanto las alegrías como los desafíos de la vida. Finalmente, tomarse una pausa para uno mismo cultiva el discernimiento necesario para canalizar con sabiduría nuestra energía, para que la mente se aclare y el corazón distinga los verdaderos latidos de una amistad profunda.! [English version] We become so immersed in our daily routines that we can spend a lot of time doing activities almost by inertia, without really thinking carefully about many situations or events in our immediate environment. That doesn't mean that doing our activities in a programmed way is entirely bad; in fact, in my case, some of these habits can be very positive. One of them, which I do every morning, is making coffee. A simple ritual that has helped me overcome creative blocks, clear my mind, or prepare myself to face the day outside the digital realm. In any case, the routine of making coffee has, on countless occasions, given me the boost I need to start my day or helped me through moments of writer's block.
But sometimes, there are experiences that can be problematic to approach in a programmed way. I mean that it is easier and more bearable to make a cup of coffee, a task with a predictable and mechanical result, than to build and maintain the bonds of coexistence we form with other people. Bonds are more complex, dynamic, and do not always bring results as predictable as waiting for the coffee machine to drain the last drop...
What recent event made me rethink my programmed way of interacting and clarify my personal boundaries?
On several occasions, she sent me messages to constantly emphasize how special my presence and friendship were to her, describing it as a “deep friendship.” Naturally, this created an expectation of reciprocity laden with verbal affection that reinforced the idea that we were building a meaningful bond.
However, as time went by, I began to notice that approximately two months had passed since those expressions of appreciation; a considerable period, in my opinion, for a friendship to evolve into actions of closeness or physical presence outside the digital realm, but which at the same time allowed me to perceive the inconsistency between her words and her behavior.
During that same period of exchanging messages, I noticed that she was making plans with other people, especially her friends: they went out, she was more interactive, she shared photos... In fact, she posted these activities on her social media, which allowed me to see clearly that her social life outside of the virtual world was active and diverse. But, curiously, during all that time, she never suggested meeting up; not even a casual mention of the possibility of seeing each other, despite the constant reiteration of affection in her messages and her apparent interest in a “deep friendship.”
The last time we went out was exactly two months ago, and since then, our interaction has been limited exclusively to the virtual realm, which led me to question whether the “importance” and “specialness” he attributed to me were based solely on digital interactions. It seemed paradoxical that a person who “values” genuine friendship so much would not take the initiative to plan meetings or suggest spending time together, especially when she did so with other people. It was then that reality, overlooked because of my scheduled interactions, revealed to me that she was excluding physical interaction with me, regardless of her expressions of appreciation.
And it led me to ask myself the following question: What kind of “deep friendship” was she referring to? It seemed to me that her approach was different: what she categorized as a “deep friendship” seemed more like a “platonic virtual friendship”; a friendship where words of affection abounded, but the willingness to share a physical space or build shared experiences was non-existent. Perhaps you have a different conceptualization of this type of bond. For me 👇🏻
The authenticity of a friendship is related to a mutual desire to share life in its various multifaceted interactions, not just through a screen.
That wasn't all. I also noticed other details. In the moments of physical interaction we had and also in our virtual conversations, she always leaned toward superficiality, which meant that conversations rarely strayed from the anecdotal, humorous, or lighthearted, without addressing topics that might require deeper reflection. I think that 👇🏻
Deep friendships are not based solely on laughter or superficial interaction, but are also built on the ability to share silences and the complexities of life, not just its lighter moments.
On the other hand, I noticed that she sought to emphasize her own positivity in the digital realm, which was fine, but, to be honest, the situation changed when it was my turn to express myself; she would divert the conversation toward pleasant memories or positive issues for her own satisfaction. I remembered once when I tried to tell her that I wasn't feeling well, that I had a headache and several things to do, and I wanted to give her more details. But she abruptly diverted the conversation to her own achievements, always seeking lightness and comfort, without showing any interest in connecting with a more personal aspect of my life. This led me to conclude the following 👇🏻
My space for sharing my deeper aspects was not welcome, and friendship was limited to an exchange of always positive energies, which is unrealistic in a human connection.
All these details, or patterns, that I detected in a moment of calm, led me to reflect on my interpersonal relationships—there is another one that I will share on another occasion—and to differentiate, once again, between the signs of a deep connection and one that is more superficial. Now then 👇🏻
How can we identify those signs that allow us to differentiate a deep >friendship from one that skims the surface?
One way to begin to differentiate between them is by observing how interactions develop and the quality of interactions in each relationship.
For example, in superficial friendships, there is a persistent lack of reciprocity when it comes to planning meetings outside the virtual realm, with interactions remaining superficial and no space for addressing deeper issues.
In contrast, deep friendships do not require maintaining a perfect image at all times; they allow space for shared vulnerability, for addressing important issues, and for sharing both the joys and challenges of life.
Finally, taking a break for oneself cultivates the discernment necessary to wisely channel our energy, so that the mind can clear and the heart can distinguish the true heartbeats of a deep friendship.
To life - Hokkaido Leaves
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbceiV1lawM&list=RDVbceiV1lawM&start_radio=1