I’ve often been asked by friends and fellow parents, “How come your kids eat everything?” The question is usually followed by a tale of frustration. "My daughter only eats plain noodles," or "My son refuses to touch anything that looks like a vegetable."
At first, I used to smile politely, but over time, I’ve come to reflect more deeply on why my children are such adventurous eaters and why picky eating is such a common household battle.
In our home, there’s no ceremony to food. If I’m eating something, my kids naturally want a bite. Be it boiled plantain, spiced okra soup, or even fermented locust beans. Once it’s on my plate and heading to my mouth, I can almost guarantee a chorus of little voices saying, “Can I try?” From the very beginning, we’ve shared meals, experimented with new dishes, and most importantly, I’ve let them watch me enjoy food without fuss or complaint. It turns out, this might be the secret sauce.
But to understand why this works and why picky eating emerges in many families, we need to take a closer look at both child psychology and food science.
The Hidden Ingredient
Children are wired to imitate. From the moment they’re born, babies watch our faces, our gestures, our routines, and yes, our food habits. This is known in developmental psychology as modeling behavior. When a parent consistently shows enjoyment in eating a variety of foods, children subconsciously learn that those foods are safe, pleasurable, and even desirable.
According to researchers, around 18 months is when kids begin to strongly mimic food preferences. If they see a parent wrinkle their nose at fish, they may avoid it without ever tasting it. If they notice Mom always skipping breakfast or Dad pushing vegetables to the side of his plate, they take notes.
In contrast, when kids see their caregivers munching on carrots, savoring spicy stews, or happily gulping green smoothies, they’re more likely to follow suit. That’s been my experience, and studies back it up. One study published in Appetite (2017) found that toddlers exposed to a wide variety of adult-modeled foods were significantly less picky by age 3.
Exposure, Exposure, Exposure
Let’s get one thing straight. Liking a new food is not immediate for most kids. According to research, it can take up to 15 separate exposures for a child to accept and enjoy a new taste or texture. That’s not a failure of parenting; it’s biology at work. Unfortunately, many parents lack the patience to keep trying. They just assumed their kids don't find those foods interesting.
Children are naturally neophobic when it comes to food. This means they have an inbuilt resistance to trying unfamiliar foods, likely a survival trait from evolutionary times when eating the wrong plant could be fatal. So when your child turns up their nose at a new dish, it’s not stubbornness; it’s instinct.
The solution? Gentle persistence. Keep offering. Without pressure. Without bargaining. I’ve always kept new foods in rotation. Even when they didn't take to spinach soup the first time, I’d reintroduce it weeks later, casually. Sometimes, all it took was seeing me eat it with enthusiasm.
Texture Matters More Than Taste
Many picky eaters aren’t rejecting flavors; they’re rejecting textures. Children’s sensory systems are still developing, and certain consistencies can be overwhelming. Mushy foods, slimy stews, gritty vegetables. These may feel “weird” more than they taste “bad.”
That’s why my rule of thumb is variety. If boiled plantains aren’t a hit, try them roasted. If soft yam feels off, offer crunchy yam fries. Altering preparation can ease children into new sensations. I’ve found that fun textures like crispy, crunchy, or dippable can make a big difference.
Picky Eating and Power Struggles
Let’s talk a bit of psychology. Meals can sometimes become battlegrounds. The more a parent insists, “Just eat one bite!” the more a child resists. Why? Because food becomes a power struggle rather than an exploration.
Children around ages 2 to 5 are asserting autonomy in all areas of life, including what they wear, what they say, and yes, what they eat. When we remove the pressure and instead turn mealtime into a relaxed, social experience, we create space for curiosity to grow.
In my home, I never make eating a command. I simply eat. I savor. And the kids, in their natural curiosity, always want in on the fun. That lack of pressure removes anxiety around food and makes trying new things feel like play, not punishment.
The Gut-Brain Connection
Here’s a lesser-known fact. Our food preferences are partly shaped by our gut microbiome. The trillions of bacteria living in our intestines. The more varied our diet, the more diverse our gut flora, and the broader our appetite tends to be.
When children eat a limited diet (say, just bread, noodles, and sugary snacks), their microbiomes narrow. This can reinforce cravings for bland or sugary foods and reduce interest in bitter or fibrous foods like vegetables.
By introducing a rainbow of ingredients early and often, I unknowingly nurtured their microbiomes. Science now confirms that this diversity improves not just taste acceptance but also immunity and mental health.
Not claiming to have the codes
I’m not claiming to have cracked the code on child nutrition. But I do know that our family’s food philosophy - joy, variety, and zero pressure - has made all the difference. When my kids sit down to a plate of egusi soup or jollof rice with snails, I see the rewards of years of modeling, exposure, and trust.
Picky eating is not a moral failing. It’s sometimes due to impatience on the parents' part. Other times, it's a puzzle, shaped by biology, behavior, and environment. And just like any good puzzle, with patience and playfulness, it can be solved.
Resources
- American Academy of Pediatrics – Picky Eating
- Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health – Nutrition Source
- National Institutes of Health (NIH) – Nutrition in Early Childhood
- Cleveland Clinic – Dealing With Picky Eaters
- Mayo Clinic – Picky Eating in Children
- ScienceDirect – Parental influence and children’s food preferences
- Journal of Nutrition Education and Behavior – Picky Eating and Parental Practices
- PubMed – Genetics of Taste and Food Preferences
- WebMD – Kids and Picky Eating
- National Health Service (UK) – Healthy Eating for Children
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