Someone we know rang the hubby's number early in the morning. I didn't listen to their whole conversation, but I heard the Farmboy say, "Let me talk to my wife first," before he hung up. It turned out that the person on the other end of the line wanted to borrow a large sum of money as he was short of funds for a city property he was purchasing.
Does that mean the husband cannot decide on his own that he needs to discuss it with me?
He can, of course, but his checking with me first shows he values and respects my opinions and wants to hear my thoughts on the matter, especially since it involves something that impacts us both. I think that's another beauty of having a life partner and a teammate with whom you share *almost* everything.
Anyhow, it reminded me of some folks (at the other town), who made fun of their friend just because he said, "Let me check with my wife first," when asked whether they would be attending a community party. They were pretty judgmental behind his back, saying he is a weakling and is *"under the saya"* (meaning the wife has the upper hand in their relationship).
I know, some people use the phrase as an excuse, especially when they don't want to decide on the spot. I do that too, in certain circumstances. But that doesn't mean I am codependent on my husband, or that I cannot have an opinion.
For us, it is a 'default action' to consult one another, especially when it is something that concerns or affects both of us. We discuss and decide on most things, even the simplest matters. It's not because of codependency, but because it's what we are accustomed to, and we believe it is a good habit in a healthy relationship.
It makes me cringe whenever I hear someone judge another as being dominated by his/her spouse because of that phrase. It's the 21st century, and some people are still stuck in the old ways. *Sigh...*
Lead image by Mikhail Nilov via Pexels. No copyright infringement intended. 04092025/20:56ph