Plans for the future

This is in part a something to remind myself of what the hell I'm trying to accomplish and a sort of todo list, while also just being something to write about because I clearly don't do enough and it's honestly helpful to write about things. Makes the brain go brrrr.

HIVE

As you likely already know, moved to a new account, old account is my witness account now. see my last post

I've decided to not power down the account, I'm going to keep all it's HP where it is, set it up so @itsshmoogle is it's proxy for governance votes etc and delegate the HP to @dagamers-curator, It pays out 99% of curation rewards back to delegators, provides bigger upvotes for streamers using dagamers and as a result makes dagamers more money via beneficiary rewards.

The payouts will go to @itsshmoogle where I'll likely use them to get HBI shares, Been nominating @chisdealhd quite a bit as a sort of sorry you don't get witness income anymore have this instead kind of perpetual income and also nominating @chris-uk cause I couldn't think of anyone else I'd like to buy shares for.

I'll probably also spend a little on @hiveslotgames here and there cause... I'm still self excluded from all casinos and gambling using gamstop for fiat things and any properly regulated casino, but hiveslotgames I can play a little and I class crypto as just disposable because it costs me nothing to obtain.. (only slightly true actually, the electric bill for my server costs a fair bit but it does other things than just the witness soo eh.)

Besides I sometimes win a fair bit. Pretty sure if I tallied all deposits and withdrawals up I'd still be in the negative but I play for the fun of it. I really enjoy it when they get new games out.

Hive ideas

I've had many ideas about websites to build for hive.. mostly because they are things I want. But as usually motivation is lacking and often destroyed when I start to get into the nitty gritty details and realise I'd have to spend a good deal of time trying to remember how to actually do anything.

I've not done websites in a long while.. I'm also inclined to try learn and use new frameworks rather than my old skills which would be a lot of async js and PHP. It works.. I can make it work but I'd have so much more power at my fingertips if I just went all in on nodejs frameworks like next.js or nuxt.js

I want to make an account statistics website.. like hivestats.. but that actually takes into account EVERYTHING, beneficiary rewards, witness rewards, etc.

I also need to revamp my personal website and actually make some good use out of it. Like intergrate my hive blog into it and my livestreams.

But again.. I have no motivation... or in a sudden revelation.. perhaps.. I can't focus... I mean it's highly likely that in addition to my autism I also have ADHD.. Another thing on the list of things to talk to doctors about.

Anyways.. Hence the title of probably never finished anything.

Moving on!

Life

It's just great!.....

If you've been keeping up with my sporadic moaning posts about how life sucks you'll likely know I'm not particularly well.

Little over a year and a half ago I started having strange symptoms that resembled an allergic reaction, except.. I'm not allergic to anything and nothing I did or changed solved the symptoms except taking 6X the daily dose of anti-histamines and a couple of max strength ibuprofen every day.

It took over a year to get my doctors changed to new ones and then start the process of figuring out wtf is going on. I've had a blood test based allergy test which came back clean for the common things. So I really should get another appointment and keep the ball rolling..

Only... I can't.. and won't do that stuff myself.. I can't deal with phone calls, I can't even deal with people face to face.. The stress and anxiety is just astronomical.. I spend days recovering from simply a phone call or other outings that I'm required to attend..

and frankly.. my dad who cares for me.. isn't doing much better either.. We're both basically crumbling to bits at this point, becoming increasingly difficult to find the strength to deal with the outside world.

It's wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't already half dead. I'd actually be able to function a bit and help out but I'm exhausted all the time, everything hurts, my legs are weak. Everything is just broken.

So I haven't been to the doctors since my last appointment some 3-4 months ago so nothing is progressing. I could try brute force a day out when we next go shopping and try go in and get an appointment then.. but I also know that.. progress even if I get appointments regularly is going to be very slow. Appointments are usually a month and a half apart as best and there are like 100 things to test for which could take years.. so I makes me often think is it even worth it.

I did come across a disorder when searching up my symptoms that exactly describes what I'm going through Chronic Spontaneous Urticaria

I read this and was like.. Yeap.. that's 100% me right now. It popped up out of no where, has been going on every single day for the last year and a half.. I even had to go to A&E once when the angioedema turn my face into a balloon.

So if... WHEN I get another appointment with the doctor I'm going to bring this up specifically.

In the mean time.. I'll survive and do what I can I guess.

Anyways, Life isn't good right now.. It's actively getting worse.. and I can't really do much about it.

What I'd give to have a proactive doctor who actually gives me appointments regularly.. what happened to those days... now it's like.. impossible to even contact them half the time.. Online appointments were apparently made a requirement for GPs to offer yet mine STILL don't have that offering.. It's annoying.. online booking I'd handle easily..

I'm starting to ramble a bit here so I'll leave this post as it is.

Closing thoughts are..

I need to find something.. that gets me up in the morning.. something that'll motivate me past all the pain and crap I'm dealing with to actually get up and do stuff. Which would then require that I have the ability to focus.. Which is easy when I'm super interesting in something.. So I need to find and interest or get excited about something..

I would say I could brute force a routine and hope it sticks.. but it doesn't work, I already know that doesn't work.

I'm probably.. still recovering from my last in person job center appointment 2 months ago.. which sent me on a near suicidal mental death spiral.. That appointment fucked up streaming for me.. I had a schedule are was doing awesome until the stress of those appointments both after and the weeks before they happened just wrecked me..

Every since then everything has been extra crap....

I need to buy a sign, one of those 'keep calm and carry on' ones and stick it on the wall behind my monitor.. A reminder to persist in this world out of spite.

... Anyway.. Post is done. Life goes on.. Thanks for reading the rambles of an insane guy with a broken body.

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