I might have told this story before, but I will say it again. Because it's a nice story. Besides, I think I never provided the real pictures with it. Today I will.
The story is that of my path as full time artist.
As some of you know, I am full time artist for almost 7 years now. When I was fired from my last job (I was manager in finance industry), I thought my world ended. But I only thought so for a very short moment. Deep down I hated the job. I really truly despised it. Even though I had my neat little office and 30 people in my team who had to knock on the door before coming in, I felt like I'm betraying the purpose of my life every single minute of those 6 months that I've spent sitting in there.
So when the unexpected boot to my grumpy ass landed, I wasn't mourning for long. I gave up looking for new job week or two later and I turned down the shitty job offers I got. I already decided what I want to do with my life- I wanted to paint full time. Mind you, I had no dreams of fame or fortune. I just wanted to paint every day and all day cause that's what I felt was why I popped out of my mom's belly. And so I did. When a studio space opened at highly demanded location in Vancouver and the building manager, out of all people, asked me first if I want it, I knew that Universe was giving me a sign.
And so came to be my first real art studio. It had no windows, it had inches of dust on top of everything, the air smelled of mold and dump, and I instantly fell in love with it. I spent my days and nights working my ass off. But I did it wrong. I did it from a place of struggle and discomfort. I was trying to please the market and I was trying to sell. Looking back, I don't blame myself. Those were tough times and my survival depended on it.
Fast forward 2-3 years, I got a better studio, but I'm still struggling with survival, financially. At one point I burned all my savings from finance and I had to sit down and consider what next. I had a real session with myself in silence. With my true self, the self beyond the chatter of mind. And in that moment I asked myself a serious question: would I still continue to paint even if it meant to be poor and unrecognized?
Answer came straight from my heart and it was a clear yes. YES I WOULD.
.
Shortly after that decision, I got a vision of Buddha in meditation and I painted it. It was first time that I painted Buddha and it was nothing special in my opinion. But I loved it. I posted it on Facebook and to my amazement it sold in space of minutes. So did the second one that I painted right after. Little did I know that my art career just took a decisive turn.
Fast forward few years, I'm selling paintings worlwide and I have over 100k followers on social media. People ask me to put my art on the cover of their books, want to do interviews with me, want to make documentary about me. I am very impressed by all this, and sometimes I slip into thinking too much of myself.
Fast forward to now. Times were never better for me. I get constant attention from all sorts of avenues and my paintings flow better out of me than ever. But something changed. My attention is more inwards. I don't get carried away by laurels of "fame" or "money" anymore. All I think about is painting. It's the only thing that really gets me excited. Somebody messages me for big commission, I answer by mentioning my terms, and I let it go in that very moment. No excitement about potential deal, about potential fat cheque.
I only care about what is in front of me, the adventure that unfolds on my canvas. And on the countless canvases to come in the future. I want them to be better and better. I want them to be alive, full of humanity, tenderness, sorrow, love and joy. I want them to wake people up from our predicament, from the dis-ease of our mind-created illusions.
To put it simply: all I want is Love. For everyone.
Here and now. Through the wake up call of my paintings.
Yes, this was my first Buddha painting. This was the piece that changed my life...
This was the second one. Which confirmed my feeling that I just turned a page of my life to a new chapter forever.
Thank you for reading my story,
I hope it makes you follow the call of your heart,
Much Love to all,
Jan @jankasparec
