Mental Health Issues

^{↑The Psycho↑} So on Saturday, I passed the SEVENTIETH WALL, and began my 71^st journey around the sun. I am an avid user of you know where and over the years I have grown less and less tolerant of the stupidity that goes on there, but since it is one of the main and most convenient ways for me to keep up with friends and family, I continue. Saturday I had a breakdown. See, Normally Fakebook has a button that shows to your friends and family when it is your birthday, all they have to do is click on it and there are a variety of options, but basically they are all wishing you a happy birthday. I've always kept my settings so that NO ONE but me can post to my personal profile page, and on my birthday I have always "Lowered my Shields" so that people can do this. Saturday, I didn't lower my shields. Building up to this day were many factors. A. I have been down for weeks B. despite all the money I've spent, I am still not healthy C. I just DID NOT WANT to celebrate my Birthday.

I had two neighbors who wanted to take me out to eat, I declined. I had another friend who took me out last year, wanted to do it again this year.

^{Photo taken last year by my friend}

I told her I would make it another day My niece who lives just a few miles from here and is currently playing caregiver for her mom, my SISTER wanted me to come over. I said I would come DROP OFF some fresh homegrown tomatoes, but I didn't want to come in. Then the worst thing of all, my sister Linda, the one nearest me in the family (8 yrs older than me) KNOWING how I felt, KNOWING I didn't want that crap, sent memes and messages over and over... I'm sorry, I blew up. First I blocked her, then I signed off FB for a few hours.

I had purchased a 3.8 pound beef chuck pot roast, I seasoned it, let it proof while I finished what I was doing and changing clothes, then I put it in my crock pot

A few potatoes and bell peppers, and the last of my summer squash from my garden with beef broth almost to cover, I put it on high then went out to eat, ALONE. On the way out, I did swing by my niece's house to drop off the tomatoes, she came to the door and DID HER DAMNDEST to get me to come in, and I grew angry and rude.

I went to Long Horn Steak House nearest my home

This place is not cheap, but I had a $25 gift card from last year on my B'day

And got THIS one for next year

(that one is for $50) I saw this "DragonFruit Marguarita" advertised on my table

😱 $13.49 for a mixed drink? 😱

First came the bread

Then the beverages

(there's a glass of water there to the left)

https://vimeo.com/1109029332?share=copy#t=0

I thought I had a long shot of the meat as I was cutting it, but I can't find it right now, but this is a shot of the dining room from my table

So I ended up having to pay about $20 out of pocket after the gift card was applied. The Drink was ALMOST as expensive as the entrée. I enjoyed eating my meal without having to make conversation. Sometimes solitude is best. But it didn't end. In text: "Hi my dear friend. You have been on my mind. I know you don’t like birthday greetings but I just wanted to say hello. Hope all is going well for you. Carolyn"

DEAR FRIEND 😡

This is a person who, when I saw her name on FB, since it was the same as my First Cousin Caroly Weaver, (who NEVER comes to Facebook), I got her to be friends, and for nearly a year she allowed me to think it was my first cousin. Never answered questions about when she'd left Dalton Ga, only saying she was here in Atlanta for MH treatments Many of my cousins, seeing me talking and sharing with "My Cousin" also added her thinking she was family. ALL that time I was growing more and more suspicious, until finally I managed to contact my REAL cousin, who verified she was not on FB and not in Atlanta. I finally confronted her, she admitted to having deceived all of us (but your family is so loving and welcoming she said) I did go and meet her for lunch at one point, otherwise I DO NOT KNOW HER. So this just made me fly hot again. She said: "Just tried calling You may be busy Let me know when a good time is to chat during the week. Thank you." So I called HER and blew up again.

WHY do you want to call me? WHAT do we have to chat about since you impersonated my cousin for all that time? I don't like to CHAT in the first place.

she said "As far as trying to meet up with you all these years I have been in and out of the hospital with congestive heart failure and other issues, I almost lost my life the end of March having to spend 8 days in ICU and ten more days in Emory Hospital and months in rehab! I had pneumonia, Covid, congestive heart failure, dislocated shoulder which I had to have emergency surgery among other things

I have always cared about you Jerry I wanted to come see your home and visit you I’m unable to drive now I use a walker and wheelchair I didn’t think you wanted to see me cause of this.

I know you have had lots going on with you as well Jerry. I know things have been difficult for you. I keep you in my prayers each day. I have wanted to call you sooner but was scared. Today you were upset. I truly apologize.

So you knew I was upset, and you called me anyway? I just do not understand people sometimes.

Even now I am still getting birthday messages. 🤓

So yesterday, I had two of my 3 neighbors over for luncheon

We had a great time, talking about many things OTHER than my birthday I made baby Lima beans, rice, gravy (made from scratch using flour, corn starch and juice from the roast) and sliced homegrown tomatoes

↑That was almost half the meat.↑ I called my niece who came over to get some of this meal and take home to share with my sister. All in all it was a great meal with a good outcome from the day and camaraderie.

If only everyone had left my B'day out of the equation.

Now a new week and new year begin. I know, at least I have people who care about me.