Ranted heavily about an hour ago. It’s odd how we bottle so much inside until the opportunity in the form of some unfortunate person presents itself, and we more or less go apeshit on that person.
It strikes me how deeply entitled we are most times. How sure we are that we are the centre of the world and all in it, so much so that we forget that we are only the centre of the world in our world and not anyone else’s.
Where there are issues is when we try to impose our main character energy on the next person. Where we get hurt, angry and even lash out realizing that we aren't or no longer the centre of the next person’s world as well. It takes us quite by surprise because we prioritize ourselves enough to put ourselves first, so why can’t they do same?
But that the issue. We don’t know what the next person is truly going through. No matter how close we are to the said person. So, while I listened to this person who I sort of cared about go on and on about how things were different between us, how I wasn’t paying him as much attention as I used to, how I didn’t seek to care when he crashed out (which he had been doing a lot), I felt a hot, white wave of anger consume me.
I felt hurt. Sad. Irritated. Royally furious. How dare he! I thought to myself. He knew nothing of what I was going through. He didn’t know that showing up every day involved me having to fight for my life first. I knew the mountain load of work I was facing, and how even more were piling on me. I knew the financial and academic pressure that I feel and face every hour of the day. I knew the worries I had because of my family and other responsibilities.
So yeah, I know the answer to this is to communicate. I know that’s probably what most of you have in your minds. Communication is the key. You can just talk it out, but I’ll explain that it didn’t stop or diminish the fact that I was bewildered at what audacity this person had to be mad. I felt annoyed that it probably felt to this person that I was probably too idle that I had nothing going on for me except having to carry the baggage of his emotions, insecurities and grievances. It aggravated me to no ends.
While I made it clear that I wasn’t invalidating his feelings or his right to feel the way he felt, I had to make it clear just how I felt being lashed at by someone who would in no way alleviate all the problems I was currently facing. He was a silent, and probably had a wave of understanding come upon him. Or not. But I sit now and wonder to myself whether or not I was mean, or if I could accommodate entitlement if it comes from certain persons.
It’s a lot and frankly, emotional baggage that is not my own is the last thing I need right now. Maybe the inhabitants of The Flame knows something to help with that? Takes. Opinions. Contradictions. All our welcome.
Jhymi🖤
Image is mine.
