I always thought that forgiveness was more for God than for us. I remember when I was younger, and if you asked me why I should forgive anyone, I’d immediately say that it’s because God said we should forgive those who offended us, and because if we didn't forgive, our prayers wouldn’t be able to reach Him in heaven.
To me, that’s all forgiveness meant, and that was the only reason we should forgive. It took me such a long time to learn that forgiveness was more for us than anyone else. Not just for God, or the person we’re forgiving.
There’s this weird analogy that my Sunday School teacher gave when I was eight years old. She drew a heart on the board, and told us to imagine holding a whole human being inside that small heart. Not to talk of two or more. She said our hearts wouldn’t be able to contain it, and we’d die for carrying something so big in something as small as our hearts.
Of course, this wouldn’t make sense now, but back then, I remember it put the fear of God in me. Like, you mean I could actually die for putting someone in my heart? I went to everyone who offended me and told them I’d forgiven them, and went to those that I’d offended and told them they had better forgive me, or they were going to die, and I wouldn’t be held accountable.
It was the most liberating time of my life because then, I thought to myself that I’d never die because I’d forgiven everyone who had offended me. How wrong I’d been. But in a way, how right as well. The Ladies of Hive Community asked this question:
Do we always have to forgive? Why forgive someone who doesn’t deserve forgiveness? Should we always forgive? Share your thoughts.
And my honest reply is that forgiveness is not for anyone but for yourself. So, imagine if forgiveness was the key to your happiness and peace of mind, which it is, in truth, wouldn’t you do it?
You forgive not because you want to make the other party happy and free of guilt, it’s to make yourself happy, it’s to liberate yourself and walk around with the knowledge that nothing and no one is holding you back.
I’ve had to learn to forgive in the hardest of ways. But my best friend @deraaa and I, after a very difficult phase in our lives last year, realized that it’s just so much better to set people free and in that way, set ourselves free. I forgive people even before they ask for forgiveness, if ever they do.
I forgive them even as they commit the wrong not only because I have learnt to cut people some slack, but because I owe it to myself to stay happy and peaceful. I was telling someone that these days I could greet a person joyfully, and only after, maybe because they give me a weird look, remember that this person did something that made me mad just the other day or offended me.
It’s easy to do this because why the heck not? Maybe it’s my own form of toxicity, not holding onto things, and just letting people go, even when I know I shouldn’t. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you go back to being all chummy and kikiki-ing with that person. It means you bear no ill towards this person, and could be there for that person if it was within your power, while still maintaining your distance.
It’s beyond liberating, like I said, and now that I’ve cracked the code to it, I doubt I’ll ever go back. Life is so short, and we should live it simply. And happily. Free from baggage. As it should be.
Jhymi🖤
Image is mine.
