I would enter your sleep if I could, and guard you there, and slay the thing that hounds you, if it had the courage to face me in daylight. But I cannot come in unless you dream of me. ― Peter S. Beagle
Sarah's Destroyer
I dreamt I was wading ankle-deep through multi-coloured leaves but as I walked on I noticed it wasn’t a snow of orange petals of trees but fragments of broken dreams, parchments of defeat.
I awoke to a black feeling of despair.
I'm no student of the psyche but knew instantly what my subconscious was telling me. The 'leaves' in my dream were actually squares of coloured paper torn from a memo pad detailing all Sarah's telephone calls that never reached me.
I had disappeared as I struggled to decide whether or not to commit my life to her. I needed to be alone to think and wasn't available to respond.
Yeah, I took a day to search for myself, walking in the woods, and by the end of the walk I didn't just find me―I found us. I knew I wanted to be with her forever and when I told her I'll never forget her face, weeping and smiling at the same time. It was only then I realized my absence had tormented her and I blamed myself for being so unaware.
I just needed to be sure but the next day when I came into work, the multi-coloured squares littered my desk and I realized how thoughtless I had been.
I still have those memo slips with Robyn's initials at the bottom of each. And now I wonder did that send a different message to Robyn, inflaming her with jealousy by receiving Sarah's calls and passing them on to me?
Perhaps Robyn thought I wanted out and Sarah was trying to cling. It's lethal to try to read someone's life while looking on from outside.
Was it then that Robyn seduced Jim Barnes and used emotional blackmail to get him to permanently sever Sarah from me?
Was I unwittingly the architect of my own tragedy? The thought torments me and often troubles my sleep with nightmares or glimpses of what might have been.
That's why autumn is bittersweet for me―it was my beginning in this coloured world and the time when I saw my dream die before me.
I was musing about these things sitting before the fire.
Clare and I had been waiting for Cyril who promised to drop by the farm on his way home so we could brainstorm a plan for catching Robyn and Jim in the act.
Clare had fallen asleep on the couch and I had dozed off while sitting on the sofa chair. Mollie was asleep at our feet as if trying to keep an eye on both of us. We were all exhausted.
The stress was taking its toll and we needed to resolve the situation sooner rather than let it drag on.
I hated to wake Clare but Cyril was due to arrive any minute.
"Tea or coffee?" I whispered in her ear.
"Neither," she murmured, "I want you."
"Cyril's on his way," I reminded her.
"In that case, hot chocolate and warmed up croissants."
Food is always a comfort when you can't have what you want.
I made a huge pot of hot chocolate―enough for Cyril when he'd get here, and added a huge dollop of whipped cream to both of our mugs.
We huddled together before the fire munching on croissants and sipping hot chocolate.
When Cyril arrived we repeated the ritual again and I served him the remaining croissants―it seemed to lighten everyone's mood and renew our spirits.
Eventually, Cyril got to the purpose of his visit.
”Since you poked the bear," he began, "I think we should take advantage of Barnes’ rage. Tomorrow, I'll send a dispatch through Robyn that we're going to take another look at the quarry and I want you both there at three in the afternoon. I’m sure she’ll inform Barnes of the perfect opportunity for a kill.”
"Why three o'clock?" Clare asked.
"Because we detected a pattern. Marian and Sarah were both killed when Jim was finished his shift, which makes sense, since he works with a partner. Jim is finished tomorrow at 2 pm which gives him plenty of time to get out to the quarry and set up his sniper nest on the cliff."
"I have a question," I interjected, "how are Clare and I supposed to escape killing when Jim is so accurate a shot?"
"I came up with a decoy plan. We're dressing crash dummies in clothes that look like yours and you'll already be on scene when he arrives and offer him a target."
I give Clare a quick glance that telegraphs, not reassuring.
Cyril seems to read my mind.
"Our spotters will notify me in my ear when Jim is almost set up and you'll retreat to a position where you'll be partially screened by a huge boulder. But then, we'll move the dummies to offer him a partial head shot and with his skill, he'll take it, rather than pass up the chance."
"So, once he takes the shot, you'll capture him?" Clare asked.
"We'll wait until he breaks down his weapon and puts it in its case before taking him down with a special forces team."
"And if he resists?" I interjected.
Cyril shrugged. "The team has lethal force permission. Let's hope it doesn't come to that."
I can't say the possibility of Jim being killed didn't appeal to the primitive side of me, but taking revenge would keep Jim in my head and that’s where Sarah is.
I don't want him invading that space.
He killed two police officers, so he'll spend life in prison with no possibility of parole.
That will produce justice for Sarah. And Robyn will be tried as an accomplice, so we'll win on all counts…
and that in itself, will give me closure.
To be continued…
© 2025, John J Geddes. All rights reserved