Hello dear friends, happy day to you all. I want to share something I've been struggling with recently. I want to get it off my chest, and what better way than with people who I know won't judge me and will try to understand me. I don't really know what to call it, anxiety or depression, the truth is that they have taken control of my life, and I feel like it is consuming me day after day. To begin with, I feel like this started when I began to suffer from nerves. I grew up in a home where there were many problems, and because of that, I began to suffer from nerves. The slightest unexpected noise or commotion would disturb me and make me feel very bad, to the point of shaking.
Despite being nervous on many occasions, I knew how to control myself, but for some time now, many changes have been happening to me. To begin with, I worry about everything. Any situation makes me desperate and depressed. My head feels like it's going to explode. My thoughts consume me. I live thinking that I don't have a stable job, that I'm studying and I don't know how to get a job as a teacher, which is why I prepare myself every day with my studies. I feel like a failure because I haven't even managed to get a place of my own for me and my son. It makes me want to cry about everything and I can't help it. I want to scream. I think that because of this critical situation, I will never feel the joy of living in my own home. I blame myself for all the things I haven't been able to achieve. I feel that everything is impossible for me, and even though I want to ignore all these thoughts, I can't. I wake up at 2 a.m. and manage to fall asleep at 4 a.m. This is bigger than me.
I haven't even been able to talk to anyone about what's happening to me, with all this weight I feel, because when these thoughts come, my life becomes distressing and my whole body feels like it can't hold it all. I don't feel like doing anything, not even crafts, which I love so much. This consumes me more and more every day, and although I put on a smile in front of people, sometimes I just want to scream and cry so that someone will comfort me. But sadly, I feel like I can't even count on my partner. I feel alone and abandoned. I live in a constant struggle with myself. Sometimes I feel like all this that I'm bottling up fills me with rage and I lash out with words.
Credits: The content is my own, it is what I am going through, the photos are my own, and I translated the texts with the Deepl translator. Have a nice day.