First of all, I give thanks to God; He's good, and His mercy has endured forever.
It's been two days of not being active, and it's become a norm. Somehow I try to make a comeback, and then I retrace and go back and forth. I don't know when this is going to stop.
It's not like I don't have new experiences or content to talk about; there are lots of bumps on the road and so many experiences, and somehow it's been difficult for me to find the time, the pleasure, and the job of creating.
Unfortunately, because of being unwell and trying to manage my health and energy, I just cannot afford to push as I used to. Saturday makes it two months since I got sick, and life hasn't seemed to remain the same. It seemed like ages ago. I remember trying to work during the first few weeks of my illness, and it was too tough.
My partner at my hustle was threatening hell and all that while my body was going through a series of battering. Months later, I'm learning how to walk again and cook or mostly do other physical activity without getting gassed out.
Perhaps this is the reason why I don't have that sharpness I used to have. I have anxiety bouts, and sometimes I take time practicing deep breathing, trying to reduce my heart rate, trying to reduce my blood pressure, and trying to sound happy, at least to reduce stress.
Unfortunately I don't have a lot of reasons to be jived, but I try as much as possible to create my own sense of inner peace. Consistency is underestimated; anything in life can make you hit a level where you're no longer consistent. It could be heartbreak, it could be depression, or it could be an illness or unforeseen circumstances.
Life is the main reason for inconsistencies; sometimes people getting married or finding a new job might make them lose a streak they've maintained for many years. It's sad, but this is the reality.
Learning something you've once mastered can be difficult again; it brings back memories of pain and disappointment, but this is life. I've never been so inconsistent with my posting streak for over 8 years now on Hive, and it feels sad because I love to create.
Creating is something I do naturally, and earning for it made it even better. At my current hustle, I'm a creator, and even though the gig sucks, I know that my recent health challenges are the reason why I suddenly can't create as I used to without seeing it as a job.
Of course, the family needs to eat, and it's either that or nothing, and before you say, "Oh, focus on your health," I need you to know it's been almost two months on the sideline.