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Hello dear friends at Hive. Happy Sunday to everyone, I hope you are all having a great time. It's nice to be back sharing with this beautiful community. I've been away from Hive for about a month, but not just from Hive. There are many things going on in my mind and in my life right now. For some reason, when I'm not 100%, I find it very difficult to write, get inspired, analyze, and reflect, because somehow I shut down and it's as if procrastination and laziness take over my being. We are working on that, and I am already much better and calmer.
But, of course, as usual, I come in to read and see other posts. Even though I don't write my own, I'm always present around here, and more than once I've found answers through words and phrases in this ecosystem. And this time it was exactly like that. I found @maylink's post, it caught my attention, I stayed, and after a long time without writing, this post moved something in me that gave me the initiative to write a few words about what I think and have done. In the end, I don't have the truth about anything, but I think that if it reaches someone, that's enough. I identified so much with everything written because it is exactly what I have been experiencing: autopilot.
Living by inertia. In one of my morning pages, which I write by hand in one of my notebooks, I expressed that I feel paralyzed, as if I were asleep, waiting for something to happen so I can move forward, and I know that I am the one who must consciously take action, do what I have to do even if I don't want to, in a disciplined manner. Day after day, I write, I make notes in my diary, I work on my “to-do list,” I work, but there are many things that are being left out of all those supposed tasks that need to be done and organized, and that is me. I'm putting off many of the things I know I need to do and that are good for me. I don't do them. Procrastination is something that has been enveloping me, and it's really hard to get out of that loop.
Despite feeling this way, I have tried to maintain my existing habits, because my momentary frustration is due to my inability to incorporate new habits. However, for some time now, I have been doing a series of things to feel more like myself and connect more with who I really am. I am taking it slowly and keeping in mind a phrase that I try to remember every day: One day at a time. In my daily life, I am analyzing how much time I spend on social media and on my phone. I am cutting back and trying to organize my time. Because I often say, “I don't have time,” but I do have time; I just use it in a way that is not constructive and unconscious. Invest time in what is truly important. Something I have been doing is understanding that what is important always, always takes precedence over what is urgent. It's urgent that I finish all my work, but it's important that I eat lunch on time, that I take an active break, that I drink my recommended amount of water—little details that make a difference for my body.
I know we dream, and we have goals for the future, and we say: someday such and such. But if that someday becomes day 1, day 2, we start and move forward, because the repetitive sum of small habits results in the goal. Another habit that I keep in mind is to tell the people I love that I love them, and I'm not necessarily talking about saying “I love you” verbatim, which of course is necessary, I'm not underestimating that, but I consciously set out to make it a reality, to be there, to be a daughter, to be a friend, to listen, to be supportive, to be a source of comfort, to be and to exist.
Almost every night when the day ends, before going to bed, I tend to analyze myself, observe how I reacted, how I spoke, what I did and didn't do, how I fulfilled my goals, whether I took care of myself. The immense power of consciousness is incredible; it allows us to visualize ourselves and take action to improve. There are days that are 7/10, and others where I was only able to manage 2/10, and that's okay. It's a process, a journey, and it's not linear, but rather has ups and downs. Being mindful of our habits and always wanting to improve, implement, and do is because we are on the path to building our best selves. It is an act of self-love and love for others, because the more aware I am of myself, the better I will treat, be, and project externally to the people around us.
With love Julli.