Humans make mistakes. We are not perfect, we can never be perfect even when we strive so hard to be. It is more scary and dangerous when we make mistakes and don’t even realize them. It is even more scary when we see our mistakes as the right approach or the right path to take. I have been there. Many times, I do this and it isn’t until later that I see the truth. Well, let’s pray that whenever we make mistakes, our eyes and heart will be open to see the truth.
When you say something to someone, your intentions may be pure. You may genuinely want to help them, guide them or simply make a point. But if the way it came out rubbed them the wrong way, then in that moment, they felt judged. When someone calls you a judgy person, it might hurt deeply. It might hurt because in your view, you weren’t trying to be judgy, you just wanted to make a point. You might want to go all defensive. However, in that moment, perception is all that matters. How were your words perceived when you said this thing? How did your words land on the other person? See, you may actually be trying to point out something important, but if what you said rubbed them the wrong way, then in that moment, they experienced it as judgment. That doesn’t make them completely right or you completely wrong, but it does mean perception matters.
Now, about your advice. You said that when people judge you, you can either see it as judgment or see it as them trying to help you. I’m glad you mentioned that not everyone is like you and can ever be like you. This is not how everyone thinks. There is a very thin line between correction and judgement. If you want to pass a point across, correct them, don’t judge them. For example, if you want to advise a smoker to stop smoking, you don’t say “I have never lit a cigarette in my life, why would you even do that?”. Instead, you should correct them in a calm way, that way, there will be no miscommunication. But when you judge someone, you might want the best for them, but they perceive it wrongly because you failed to use the right approach; correction.
I like the finger analogy you used. If you call me judgemental, you are also judgemental too.” While this is true, I believe it is not the right approach. It is a little defensive. If someone tells you that you are judgy, it means your words landed wrongly and maybe, just maybe you didn’t correct them, you judged. Calling someone judgy for telling you that you are judgy isn’t the right path to take.
Again, there is a thin line between correction and judgement. It is up to us to choose; the former or the latter.