Parents do know how to hurt their kids with words, don't they? Is it knowingly? Unknowingly? I don't really care. What matter is what I feel at the moment. And it's pain. It's anger. Confusion. And sadness. I feel this tightness in my throat and also in my chest. I want to yell so loud that the earth would echo my voice. I want to hit something but my hands are too weak for that.
I cannot remember the last time I ran away from home but I used to do it a lot when I was younger. Well, I had to today. I was so fed up and frustrated at the words my mom was saying. I cry when I'm angry. She knows that. I cry because I'm weak and too soft, so she says. Yet she saw the tears run down my face and still went on saying those awful words.
I wanted a peaceful night. I had received what I would call the best news I've heard in the whole month. I planned on spending my night watching anime and starting the day late tomorrow. But what can I say? Not everything goes the way we plan.
Well, my mom looked my dead in the eyes and said "You are not their sibling. Not their sister. I don't want you speaking to them again",
I just froze. Like literally. "What does that even mean?" I wanted to ask.
But she continued by saying "I don't want you anywhere near me"
What could that possibly mean? I think I might need an interpretator or whatever it is they call them to help me interpret her words. How can I not be sibling to the same people my mom and dad gave birth to. Does DNA or biology work differently now? Could be. I've always been late on trends.
"There are my siblings" I said to her
Her face tightened "Don't talk back at me"
"But I didn't do anything wrong" I whispered.
It's surprising that I feel hurt like this. Because they was a time, when I was younger, I used to think that she wasn't my real mother because she was so strict with me and all that. But I've grown up to love this woman so much. How can she say that and even more awful things to me, no matter how angry she is?
I did nothing wrong. Maybe I did something wrong. But to my best believe, I didn't. Still, I think the things she said to me were just to cruel for a mother to say to her child. I don't think anything can justify the things she said. I'm outside in the cold night because I couldn't stand my mother's awful words. I could have locked myself in my room if my room door had a lock, but top luck? it doesn't.
I thought mothers were supposed to be like a safe haven for their children. Why then am I running away from mine? I wonder if she's happy or probably smiling now that she can no longer feel my presence in the house. I'll go back though. Where else do I have to go?
I want to believe she said those things because she was angry. But don't people usually say how they really feel when they are angry.
Regardless she is my mother whether she likes it or not. Or does she expect me to look at my sisters and say "What? Don't look at me. I'm not your sibling". That's not going to happen though. Maybe by tomorrow she'll be calmer but that doesn't mean I'll forget the things she said. I think they have implanted themselves in my heart. But I still love her.
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