There are levels to jealousy. A little of it can be natural, even inevitable in a relationship. But it becomes control or something else entirely once it starts to gradually increase beyond reason.
One of our neighbour came by to talk to my mom about her boyfriend, yesterday. She came complaining that lately, he has been stressing her out and has been a headache. I could tell from the tone of he4 voice that she was tired of what was going on. She was soundingso emotionally tired.
She said that he was almost always accusing her of cheating on him.
He get angry whenever any man, even if it's someone from work, calls her.
He also always checks her phone, goinh through her texts, looking for something that wasn't there.
I assumed it was just one of those relationship matters that people tend to exaggerate and overreact about it, when she first came to talk about it. As she continued though, I started to think that maybe she wasn't just exaggerating things. She added that nothing works, even when she tries to reassure him. He turns small issue into big ones, all in the name of "I don't want to lose you".
That part made me go "wowww". Yeah... a lot of people say that "I did it out of love for you". But how can you keep saying you're afraid of losing someone, when you are only making the other person feel imprisoned?
While I was listening, I could not help but think about people in relationships like that, calling it love and it's really just insecurity. I've often heard girls say, "He's just jealous because he loves me", as if it's something cute. There's actually nothing cute about being questioned everytime your phone rings neither is there anything sweet about someone assuming the worst of you all the time. What is any relationship without trust?
Finding common ground with someone who feels that jealousy is a sign of love, is something I do not think I can do. If the jealousy comes from small things, like if someone flirts or intentionally tries to draw your partner's attention, then it's natural. But when it becomes a routine, when it turns into anger, checking their phones and constant accusations etc. That is no longer love. It's more like a slow kind of suffocation. People just hide behind the word "love" to justify bad behaviour.
My neighbour continuously mentioned she did not want to give up on him because she was confident he loved her. From everything I heard her say though, it doesn't seem like love.
Yeah, jealousy do make some people feel wanted, but I think that too much of it can ruin the same thing one is supposed protect.
What do you think?