Today, I sat down and went back to memory lane but I won't lie to you, I missed the old me. I was once a carefree lady who is really reliable and also have enough time in hand to help whenever I can. The time when I usually give more than what they asked of me, then when I have time to show up for my friends fully and consistently without my children crying in the background.
But all that has gone when motherhood hit in like a wave and me still trying to learn how to breathe in it. These days I can say I have no friend again because I rarely have time for my friend. I keep forgetting things and my messages can sit unopened for days. I cancel plans since something unplanned for always happens, I miss my friendship and who I was in them.
Being a mother change me from who I used to be. I'm not the same daughter my mom is used to, not the same woman know before and definitely not the same friend who devoted all her time to the friendship you both shared because I'm now a mother who has her children to take care of.
But don't get it twisted, I might miss the old me but trust me, I wouldn’t trade what I’ve gained for anything because as this version of me, I'm doing things I never thought I could do. I have grown life, held my tiny humans at 1am when my eyes were closing and still I whispered love into their skin and that is when i know that I've become a whole world to someone.
The kind of love that I have for my kids grabs me by my soul and never let me go, it has changed me but not just in the way I move, but also in the way I see and trust me, it hasn’t always been all graceful because life is not so smooth and every good thing has the opposite. Sometimes, everything will just be messy and I sometimes grieved the old parts of me that feel so far away now but I wouldn’t undo any of it because this should not be the end of me. This is me becoming the best version of myself.
The version of me as a woman that grows as her children do. A version of me who rebuilds herself over and over again after a bend and break just for love, I might not be who I used to be but I am who my children need and I’m becoming who I am always meant to be.
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