It is said that drunk people speak the truth, but in my experience, drunk people are just as full of shit as sober ones - they're just more convincing in their bullshit because of the confidence sourced from the booze. It is broken souls that speak the truth - the real truth. I mean the truths that they'd been hiding even from themselves until they hit rock bottom.
I believe this is because the most fundamental truths emanate from our hearts, not our heads. The mind is full of lies - tall tales we tell ourselves about who we are and what we want. The lies are convincing for sure. Convincing enough to have us consumed by them for decades before a particular experience enlightens us to the performance we've been a part of - one in which we have played the role of both the star actor and the biggest fan in the audience.
However, if one or another takes a sledgehammer to the concept of the identity we've been clasping onto so tightly, and even for a moment, pulls the curtain back far enough for us to take sight of the bullshit we've been allowing to dictate the course of our lives, only then is the performance silenced long enough for the heart to have its say - and at last, the truth of who we are and what we want emerges.
The question is then; why do we have an identity if it will hide the truth from us and make us chase goals we don't even want, and convince us to run away from the things we really desire the most?
I believe it is for the same reason that our skin grows thicker when we damage it, that our muscles grow stronger when we use them repeatedly, or that our skills improve when we take the time to practise them. Our identity exists, and it betrays our heart, in order to protect us from hurt and to help us adapt to the environment we are a part of so that we might live more comfortable lives - if not more joyful or fulfilling ones.
The heart feels. The mind does not. And while the heart has the capacity to make us feel very, very good inside, it also has the power to make us feel incredibly shite. This is because the heart is our compass. It is our teacher, and a brutally honest and merciless, personal adjudicator. Put simply, our hearts don't fuck about or play games. Not like our minds do. The further we are from what we will for this world, the louder our heart will scream at us to turn around and stop being a coward. The more we make choices that do not align with what we think is right deep inside, the more relentlessly our heart will pile on the feeling of guilt until we observe the mistakes we're making and correct our behaviour.
But living amidst a society that too often seems to demand that we betray our heart's call if we are to attain comfort in our existence, it is no surprise that the great many of us have need to deceive ourselves into believing that the choices we are making are right for us and for everyone else. Those lies we tell ourselves are there to protect us from hurting, and the more vehemently our heart disagrees with the choices we are making, the more elaborate the deceptions we must concoct to rationalise them.
But as much as our self-deceptions may be there and be working to protect us from feelings we want not to experience, the mind's inescapable tendency to adapt to its environment can be a serious problem when one's environment is changing at such a rapid pace - as ours is. If our identity is formed in the hopes of providing us with some sense of the world we are living in and the choices we are being led to make, then as the choices we are being led to make evolve too quickly, the lies we have told ourselves that stem for our imagined understanding of who we are must also evolve, ultimately bringing us to a state where there is so many contradictions in our head it's almost unbelievable that we still buy into the story we have told ourselves at all.
When we arrive at this place, there is really only two roads one can take. We can double down on the bullshit we've convinced ourselves of by inventing new lies to give credence to the original ones, distancing ourselves further from the demands of our hearts and our feelings in the process. Or, we can be brave enough to scrutinise those contradictions and chip away at our sense of identity, and the wants and beliefs that are borne from it. This allows the heart to step in and be heard once again, to remind us of who we truly are and what we truly want. But the heart will not be gentle. It will undoubtedly force us to bear the pain we chose to ignore when we were making all those choices we didn't really want to make.
So, there is indeed a value attached to the lies our minds do tell us. But we have to be aware that those lies are spawned from a place of fear. It matters not if we're afraid of facing the guilt of decisions we've made or continue to make; afraid of being rejected by others, or judged unfairly. It doesn't make a difference if it is fear of love or fear of losing it; or fear of failing at that which we want to accomplish most in life. It is nevertheless one shade of fear or another that serves as the fuel to spin the web of lies in our minds, and allowing ourselves to get caught up in that web is what keeps us all from doing the right thing more often; from chasing our truest and deepest dreams; from opening our hearts to love or from breaking free of cycles that are hurting us and the ones we love the most.
In closing, I invite you to take a sledgehammer to your beliefs about who you are and what you want in life; to silence the thoughts in your mind long enough to permit an opportunity for you to listen instead to the call of your most loyal and trustworthy guide - your heart. I don't doubt that following your mind may lead you to a comfortable existence - but that comfort will most likely come at the cost of discomfort to others. But follow your heart instead, embrace the pain - and the immense joy - that comes with it, and you will not be led to mere comfort. You will surely be led to fulfilment.