You know, when you’re a work in progress and you “grow up” on Hive, it feels like leaving a lot of trail of who you’re trying to be in this world. In the end, my experience being here has hugely shaped me of who I am, especially that I found this place and being in this place during the most tumultuous years of my life.
## So, I wonder, what does being on hive get me in these 8 years? Did I at least grow or rather than going back to square when I feel like I am starting over.
Early this year, I organized my first Hive event that I never thought I could. Like how did I suddenly get all that confidence? How did I suddenly have that courage to ask around for help?
**My old self isn't that courageous to ask for help or depend on others**. In fact, I had a little faith in all that. But the last couple of years, the truth is, that’s not always the case. **Rejection is part of life and from that, I learned to be fine with being rejected.**
At the end of last year, I suddenly had this courage and ideas that I could organize something better. By better I mean, something transparent, something that has clear KPI and something impactful to actually introduce Hive to a large market in Indonesia. You know, it’s like an untapped potential ( at least in my mind).
The thing is, some people are fine with being exposed to a lot of people. In fact, to some it is their goal. They want to be known and be the center of attention.
## Being exposed to a lot of people wasn’t my goal when I was here. In fact, I wanted to minimize it.
Yet somehow, I kept finding myself to have that opportunity. I used to shy away from them all as throughout my life, this is a recurrent theme. Maybe it's an impostor syndrome? I don't know.
Even after that event, I ended up going missing. I had the opportunity to grow the audience, sustaining it all but in the end, I just wasn’t fine with being more known. **It all felt too uncomfortable.**
I did some reflection since then that eventually I realized, I have nothing to fear about or that I shouldn’t shy away from opportunities entrusted to me. Being exposed or known isn’t something to be feared about. There are good things that might come with it too as all the ideas I had in mind won’t just stay ideas.
And eventually,I could finally contribute something to better this ecosystem.
Aligning with the topic I’ve been mostly writing about, these days I feel a sense of liberation and more aligned to who I am. When you stop hiding, pretending who you are, that gives you more sense of control and a lot more bravery.
In my real life too, I started opening up to everyone I know about who I am. Suddenly, all of my fear shrinks and I am fine with being who I should be once again, someone who isn’t afraid of speaking out her mind.
The fact that I had a lot of humbling experiences these past few months & that reminds me of who I am too. Maybe my downtime was a reason to recollect myself and even reflect, regroup, and once again, back on the track. Once I reconnected with my roots and all my flaws, there was once again hope and I had that vigor in life. As if I had been born as a new person once again. This one isn’t just going to be temporary because this time, it is truly me & I have no need to play pretend anymore.
This place has given me a chance to write it out, received feedbacks, learned from other's experience and made connection along the way. I know that when you talk about this place, it's all too complex but the other day, something from @ph1102 that you can read below, reminded me of something important. In the end, we can focus on things that works, collaborate and make this a better environment.
> We could implement the same logic in HIVE! We are an old blockchain that has its purpose, use case, its good sides, a lot of pros... But, it's not perfect, it also has its flaws and weak points... It's not the point to "hide the flaws" and to brag about great things only, or to try to be the Jack of all trades... We should focus on things that work the best for us, and for the rest, we can collaborate with other chains to use them to "cover our flaws"... In the same way, we would make new connections, growing the community, and growing stronger together... It's always easier to grow when you have more decentralized teams, focused on things that they are doing the best! - [Selling a Defect (Car Salesman Tricks) .:. WorkerBee PH-Pool Week 237](https://peakd.com/hive-125125/@ph1102/selling-a-defect-car-salesman)
### Anyway, one of the projects I did just a few months ago was translating Hive Keychain to Bahasa Indonesia.
I applied to be the translator there and now @keychain is also available in Bahasa Indonesia.
At first, I thought about not doing anything about it but somehow, something just told me I should & now, I am happy I did it. At that time, you could say that I have this burnout about hive after the event and even a lot of things suddenly happening in my life where I eventually have to make a lot of big decisions. But I just applied and was happy to do it.
Maybe from a marketing perspective, my story isn’t so intriguing to make people join this chain. Anyone can do what I do and it’s more intriguing to say that you’ve gained some monetary value from this place.
But to those who have seen how persistent I am with this place for 8 years can be something that actually made them join too. To those souls wanting to find community and a place to grow. All the things I gained from Hive aren’t just on the monetary side but I grew as a person too. I gained a community, I found my community and home here.
And this year, I had the opportunity to talk about all that over @hivefest. Though I have no idea where to start but I try to keep it as short as possible 😂 and I am in the process of brainstorming it.
To everyone ( it’s such a long list) but you know who you are all, who has been a part of my journey, thank you. Thank you for all the lessons, opportunities and all the help all these years.