I've just watched another person make fun about ADHD and OCD as if it is a trivial thing. It's not that you can't make fun of it, I make fun of myself about it, but the thing that frustrates me is how misunderstood it is, and how these popular cultural ideas cause more confusion.
My diagnosis came very late in life and only because my last doctor in Canada was really good. I don't think it is a coincidence that he was the youngest doctor I ever had.
At school the only time you heard of ADHD (ADD) was disruptive, class-clown kids.
Many people believe ADHD is mainly about being hyperactive, distracted, or impulsive. But beneath these surface symptoms lie deeper, often unspoken struggles.
Here are some hidden signs that often go unnoticed:
1. Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD)
- Extreme emotional pain from perceived criticism or rejection.
- Feelings of being disliked or inadequate can lead to self-esteem issues and withdrawal.
2. Chronic Boredom and Identity Confusion
- Constant search for stimulation, making it hard to know what you truly like or who you are.
- Jumping from hobby to hobby, job to job, without settling.
3. People-Pleasing and Seeking External Validation
- Trying to please others due to fear of rejection or failure.
- Overcompensating to avoid criticism, which can perpetuate feelings of inadequacy.
4. Internal Distractibility
- Thoughts racing inside your head, making it hard to concentrate or engage with topics that seem useless or boring.
- Interestingly, this internal mental distraction can be just as problematic as external distractions.
5. Difficulty Engaging in Uninteresting Tasks
- An inability to focus on things without immediate personal relevance or stimulation.
- For example, struggling to pay attention in lectures or meetings that feel disconnected from your interests.
6. Energy Drain from Masking or Camouflaging Symptoms
- Constantly trying to hide or suppress ADHD behaviors takes enormous mental effort.
- Over time, this leads to fatigue, burnout, and emotional instability.
7. Procrastination and Paralysis
- Delay in starting tasks not just due to laziness, but because of overwhelm or lack of intrinsic motivation.
- When resources like deadlines aren’t present, motivation can vanish, leading to avoidance.
People see things like "Difficulty Engaging in Uninteresting Tasks" and think "oh everybody is like that" but it is not about noticing individual symptoms.
Even medical professionals focus on overt behaviors like hyperactivity and inattentiveness. But many of the significant consequences stem from these deeper, less visible issues.
Living with ADHD isn’t just about keeping your attention focused! In fact, "masking" (and minimal disruptive behaviour) is a stated reason why fewer women are diagnosed without a lot of uphill effort.
It's about understanding and working with the often subconcious parts of your mind. With patience and self-compassion, you can enjoy a more balanced, but still authentic life.
That said, there are a couple of benefits I have found living with ADHD that I notice in many many of the people I come into contact with in my career.
Yeah, I said it, I think well over half of people in tech are neuro spicy.
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Hyperfocus - Being able to get absolutely absorbed in something for a long period of time is a superpower when it matches your necessary goals rather than "passion of the week". When the stars align it is incredible.
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Varied interests - Yeah it is a problem having a new hobby long enough to purchase a bunch of expensive stuff then go off the idea, but all those varied interests cause neurological connections that never quite go away. I find ADHDers tend to know a lot about a lot.
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Pattern-Matching - We can be annoying (puns!) but our pattern matching makes for great troubleshooting and creative leaps. Especially when combined with #1 and #2.
So it is not all bad, I just wish more people get help rather than mockery!