It's just quarter to twelve at night. I still have about four hours left before I go to sleep. I returned from the office quite early today since there wasn't much work, so I got a half day off. Half of my day passed lying down & just sitting. By office I mean my unpaid internship, which will be end in this month. From next month my MBA classes will begin & I'll be a student again !!! Children from middle class families often pursue an MBA just to escape the unemployed tag for a year,not gonna lie , maybe I’m doing the same!
The illusion that life becomes set once you get into university has long been broken for me. A good job right after graduation with a decent salary and benefits feels like a maze! Everywhere you go you have to struggle, you have to stand out. The competition is relentless.
I dream of doing a PhD, of having Doctorate tag before my name, but maybe that's a distant thought now. What feels more important at this moment is landing a stable job with a salary close to six digits. Because in this society freelancing holds no value, starting a business takes time to stabilize, and dreams? Dreams take a backseat when responsibilities show up. And the deeper the night gets, the more you feel the weight of those responsibilities.
Words no longer bring enchantment. When responsibilities weight on your shoulders, cloudy skies and gentle breezes don't bring joy, do they? Not in my case at all . All thoughts come to a standstill at one question: One day everything will be alright, but when? That answer remains unknown. Just like what lies hidden behind the looming tag of future unemployment. Behind the cries lie thoughts, and those thoughts are filled with fear . Fear of failing to fulfill responsibilities.
Still, despite all the uncertainty, I hold on. Maybe not to dreams, but to the hope that things will fall into place someday. Until then, I’ll keep moving . Quietly. Steadily . Carrying the weight, and waiting for the light to break through.