Here in Nigeria, neighbors have always been an extension of a family. Some of my neighbors even knew about my life more than my own relatives. Even though life was not perfect, there was togetherness in our communities. If I greet Mama Tunde in an odd way before leaving home in the morning, I know for sure that my mum would hear of it before I return home. You can knock on your neighbors door to borrow matches, pot, pestle and all without feeling strange.
Now, things feel different, everything has changed, we are now in the “mind my business” era. Doors are locked, children are not allowed out. Everyone seems to be living in their own way. I stayed somewhere around last year and it took me months to actually see my neighbors daughter who often cry at night. I don't even know their name. And, I can but wonder..what actually happened to us?
There was time I was ill for a long time. It wasn’t an easy time for me at all, but one of the things that helped me through was the small, kind gestures of neighbors. Some came to visit at the hospital, some called, some came with food, some sort some of my bill. These are people we aren't even related by blood, but their kind acts reminded me that life is not meant to be lived in isolation. Imagine if I or they had all decided to keep to themselves, that time would have been a little harder and lonely for me.
Neighbors matter more than we think, if anything were to happen to an individual, his/her neighbors are the first and the most closest to help at that time, even before any family came by. Also, if there is an emergency, your child needs help and you are not home, who would you reach out to. I had experienced a fire outbreak before when I was small, my mum was pregnant as at the time also, and we live in a three storey building. There was no way to come down,.it was neighbors that came to our rescue, they got drums, fetch water, came out, did all they could, bought sacks of detergent.....and all. If fire breaks out at your home, are you so much of a good person to confidently walk to a neighbor door and ask for help. Do you have someone nearby who cares enough to come to your aid? If the answer is no, then something is wrong.
Want to know the twist...? It's not just about whether you can trust your neighbor, but also about whether you are the kind of neighbor a neighbor can trust. Do you smile, do you greet people warmly, do you show concern, are you kind....Or do you act like it's not your business, do you just do things as if you won't ever need anybody's help. The truth remains that, the life you want from others is the same you must be willing to give. If you would never show care or concern when something happens to a neighbor, don't expect them to come through for you when you experience the same.
In my own little way, I try to be a good neighbor. I offer helping hands, I check up on people, I keep the environment clean, I joke with people, I buy things for children, I greet and I smile a lot..amongst others. Even if it's not much, I'm doing my best. Sometimes, just a smile or a simple “good morning” can go a long way.
Knowing and having a good relationship with your neighbor is not that you should invade their privacy or force them into being friends or intimate with you. But, build trust and small acts of humanity. Remember that you don't share the same blood, but you share the same street, same gate, same compound, sometimes... same roof. If we learn to not see each other as strangers, I am sure the world wouldn’t feel lonely.
All pictures are mine.
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