So, sometimes last year, it was my last semester. I was feeling famished, so I went to Mama Vicky's restaurant. It was my best restaurant in school, the food was good and delicious, but the place was not so spacious, what attracted me was the neatness of Mama Vicky. A very neat woman at that...
But on this particular day, I met my crush, Oyin, she was eating fried rice and chicken. I stared at her like she was the reason I was there, I watched as she ate as if the food was asking her to be gentle. Then and there, I decided this was my chance.
The only problem was that my account balance was not fat, I had less than ₦2000. But, this is my crush, my love right before me, I would still go for it...You know the kind of bravery you have when you see your best chance at getting something.
I walked in with all of my confidence, I had just bought a little bit costly and perfume, it was meant for special occasions and such. I thank my stars I used it before leaving home. Even if you don have money, at least try to smell nice...abi.
I walked up to her and said, “Hey pretty, can I join you?” “Yea...sure.” She responded I sat down, my heart pounding hard.
I signalled to the waitress.
My voice is a little bit thin, so I tried to deepen it, I need to sound like a big boy...you know na, ladies love those thick voices...
“Chicken and chips with erm... chilled Coke.” I said. “Oga, things have cost o... everything join now na ₦3,500.”
On a normal day, I would have responded...three kini, ogini, call Mama Vic for me jare
But, steeze and composure needs to be maintained on a day like this..😁
I smiled at the waiter and said, “Lets do chips and coke and save chicken for another time..."
She brought my order and I tried to act romantic. So, I pushed the coke towards her. “Ladies first.” I said. She shook her head, and pushed it back, I slid it again and....it went a little too far. The bottle rolled off the table, hit the floor and exploded.
Sshshshshh..come and see Coke spilled everywhere.
Everywhere went silent. Mama Vick emerged, her hands on her waist... *“Ah-ah! Pastor, na coke you dey use do baptism now?
(Let me chip this in....Mama Vick often refer to me as pastor. Also, the trouser I had on was big at the waist, but I had it guarded and strapped with a belt.)
I stood up and walked up to her(Oyin) side to clean her legs and pick up the bottle, but then, as I was on my way up, my belt chose to disgrace me. It snapped and my trouser dropped on a slow motion.
Picture this scene: In a school cafeteria setting of about 7 students. I had one hand holding the bottle and the other hand holding my trousers, and Oyin laughing uncontrollably.
The other students present there also joined in laughing...
“Bro, no allow am drop further o." "Bobo, guard your thing o." “Wetin do your belt."
Those and more were what I was hearing....I couldn't even raise my head, I just sat back down, pretending nothing happened.
Then a guy in the next table stood up and said, “Mama Vicky, abeg borrow my guy rope”
Then my phone rang.... I picked it up and my mum's voice thundered through before I could lower the volume
“Festus, did you wear your elder brother trouser he warned you not to..? And you can't take your undies from the sitting room before leaving home, and you know I would be having visitors today!”
The restaurant erupted in laughter.
Everybody was busy laughing, and I could have quietly left without them really noticing, but Mama Vicky blocked me... "Pastor, you never pay for the Coke you be wan use do baptism.”
Oyin waved at me as I paid Mama Vicky. “Next time, no wear your sibling trouser, and don't try to impress with what you can't afford...”
Love is sweet and it can make you do things.... but disgrace in a public place is enh...
All pictures were generated using AI.
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