Hurt goes really deep, and of a truth I never once imagined anyone could hurt me so badly to the extent of me even breaking. Some few years ago, I was at my lowest, battling various things, but then I trusted this guy. I thought he was matured and different, but then he proved me wrong. I shared with various things, from secrets to aspirations...things I didn't tell anyone else. I thought he was a friend, not until the day he betrayed me. He spread my secrets, twisted my words, painted me black, and laughed at my pain. Thereby making people see me in a different kind of light ...
It shocked me when I later got to know this guy is someone I know too. I know a lot of his secrets; I know worse things about him...with evidence. Well, that shock turned into anger for me, and I wanted revenge. I wanted to expose his secrets to the open as well. I really wanted him to feel the pain and shame I was feeling too. There was a particular night that anger almost took over me. I almost posted things about him. I had entered the WhatsApp class group, selected some pictures, and written some things. There was also a day anonymous was done in the class group, and I almost posted things about him. Even I knew it could ruin him.
Sincerely, it was painful, for weeks I couldn't wrap my head around it. I kept wondering how I had made the mistake of being friends with him. I couldn't stop asking myself if I should do hurtful things too, I felt like spilling his secrets too, isn't it just cool to make him go through what I was going through too, but would it make me feel better. But then, I just wanted to be free.
One evening, I picked up my phone, wote some things about him and wanted to post it, but then, I had a rethink. This is just me prolonging these things; it wouldn't make people forget what had been said about me...in short, taking revenge wouldn't fix anything; it would rather worsen the situation. I decided to let go, the hurt's already been done, there's nothing taking revenge on him would do, it won't bring back my peace neither would it undo the hurt caused. It was hard, but then, it wasn't impossible. I didn't post anything or message anybody. I refused to stoop so low to his level.
I withdrew and focused on myself. I kept myself busy, I began chasing my dreams, took my academics more seriously, kept my distance from him, and continued serving in church. And it wasn't as if the hurt or anger disappeared at once, no, but slowly it began to fade. Letting go gave me a different kind of strength. I was glad I never allowed the hurt define me nor gave room to anger to take over.
I still remember the pain caused, but then, I'm only reminded of how strong I am. I survived it, even though it wasn't easy back then, with all sorts of side talks in class and all. He betrayed me, fine, but I never allow that to take my joy away. The best revenge is to heal yourself and not hurting the person or someone else.
All pictures are mine.
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