"Milly, you and helping people—don't you get tired? Teju asked me as I was busy packing the few things I just bought for some kids in my street.
"It's not as if I'm not tired; at times I feel down too, but then, putting smiles on people's faces does something to me, even if it's just one person that smiled because of an extension of love from me, then it's enough reason to not stop."
Silence followed. I could see her shaking her head while trying her best to just understand why I would go all the way in to do some things while I'm struggling myself.
A lot of people don't know what I do behind the scenes. A day hardly passes by that I won't get a message on my WhatsApp, either from someone who just needs someone to talk to and listen or someone who just needs some advice or some encouragement; most of the time it's always anonymous.
I get a lot of those who just air their fears and worries out and need someone to remind them that life goes on and they should never be tied down nor look like what they are going through. Everyone is definitely going through something. Then I have those I do things for, the elderly and the young, but most especially the children. And I love it. It's not as if I'm rich; a lot of times I withdraw some funds from this wonderful platform and use them to get things for these kids. It has never been easy or smooth, but then. I can't stop.
"Well, I'm trying my best to just understand you, but I can't, knowing that you're still staying in a one-room apartment." She said funnily.
"Don't even go there." I said, as I sat down close to her. "Not all of these require money. Just yesterday a lady messaged me. I don't know how she came about my number, but then she said she's been viewing my status for a long time now and that she's going through some things. She shared it with me, and I saw how hurt she was, on the verge of even committing suicide as a way to end it all. But then, I was glad she voiced out; What if she didn't? I replied her, convinced her, encouraged her, and asked her to do certain things. Guess whose message I woke up to this morning? Hers. I could sense the smile on her face as we discussed, she said she's ready to face the world again, she said she's refused to let her past tie her down, and she's ready to keep on going. Teju, believe me, that kind of joy is everything. And money can't buy it."
"So you do such on WhatsApp too? I never knew," she said, a bit surprised.
"Well, I do, when you won't be viewing somebody's status." I replied to her jokingly and added. "I also post some little inspirational, motivational, and encouraging write-ups on my status almost every day. I use random people's pictures for the write-up, including yours. It's to remind someone to not let go, that anything, even a miracle can still happen. And I'm not even doing that to be praised or anything; I just do what I can in my own little way."
She was just there, sitting quietly.
"Then there were the children on my street. I see them going to school with torn bags, worn out sandals, old uniforms, and such. I just do feel it somehow. Likewise, I would just check what I could do before the week runs out; even if it's just one of them, I try getting him/her something. Sometimes I deliver it myself; most times I don't. It's small, but then it matters; it counts. Nobody has it all. Still, do the little you can." Sometimes I deliver the packages myself, watching their faces light up. It’s small, but it matters.
"I've never thought about it that way," she said in a soft voice and added. "I do see you go out to work. There was a time I met you at an event doing the work of an usher, running around carrying plates and dishes and all. And you are still doing all of these?"
I smiled as I responded her. "Well, I'm human too, and I need to make ends meet. I don't even have a big income, you see me hustling around. Some think maybe I'm making big money and decided to be on a low while helping others, but no, I don't. I borrow too. I don't have it figured out; I get tired, I worry. Likewise, I have a lot of bills as well. But if I can bring someone to smile, if I can do a little thing that would give someone hope, then I will do it with all of my heart.”
She smiled and looked at me. "You are not serious, but I understand what you mean." Then she continued, "I'm just trying to look out for you, you know. I know you have a lot on your plate too; you are even preparing for the one year service, even with that, you are still busy getting things for kids ahead of their resumption. You are different, I must say."
I looked at her, but then, she was already lost in thought.
Sometimes earlier this year, I saw a boy with torn shoes going to school; his socks were neat at the upper part, but down there they were already brown, as that was what he was using to step on the muddy floor; the sandal had been removed underneath. I beckoned on him, but he hesitated, and I understood him. He doesn't know me; I don't know him either. I moved close to him and said some things, but he wouldn't respond. Well, I asked him to wait and went to the nearest shop to get him a sandal I guessed would be his size. It wasn't what I wanted, but it was what I could afford. I gave it to him, it then I got to know he was one of those special kids ( deaf & dumb). He was so happy that he almost voiced a thank you.
A man who's been looking at us for a while came over and challenged me, "Why are you doing these? You are showing off, or for content."
“Did you see a camera here?" I said in a calm but rude way, calmly. "I am not showing off; I'm just helping.”
"You mean....?"
I just looked at him as I helped the boy throw his old sandals away and put the new ones on, then waved him a bye-bye. I watched him laughing on his way to school. He kept looking back at intervals to smile at me and wave me a bye-bye. I looked at the man; he didn't need to say a word—his expression already spoke volumes. He now understands.
Sometimes, people just need to walk a mile in your shoes to be able to clearly see things."*
I caught Teju looking at me or maybe she's just trying to figure out something. When she realized I had caught her staring, she just smiled and said, "You have your own life, your own bills, and still you are carrying so much of a load, helping even those you don't know, it's somehow, but then, I understand you."
I nodded. She now understands me a little. Most people don't see the various messages. Well, I would never post that online; it's people's lives and secrets. But then, they refused to see; they refused to see my own bills, the little way I was trying to help, and they refused to see my exhaustion too. But then, this is my life, and those are my own pair of shoes I walk in.
Right there, my phone vibrated. I checked, and it was someone I had promised to get back to in the evening. I replied and dropped my phone. Life is not perfect, and nobody has it all. That has been my motivation since day one. If I decide not to do anything because I don't have it, someone else will. And it's not as if whoever does it also doesn't have what to use the money or their time for. Money will never be enough; aside from that, not everything is about money. I do the little I can too; I don't get too hard on myself. If one person smiles because of what I do, I'm glad my effort is not wasted.
I write everyday, sometimes I go to work, and it has not been easy footing all of my bills, I get sick too, a lot of times I worry about what to eat and such. But then, I am doing something and am happy about that. Seeing a child because of an extension of my hand, just because I bought him/her a book, pencil, lunch box makes me feel glad. And that is enough to keep me going.
Even though people misunderstand me and think I was just seeking attention. I don't try explaining myself; if it's seeking for attention with the way I don't have it all as well, then they should come walk in it and do it. They don't see the real hard work, responding to messages even when my own life is barely hanging on, buying little things for kids, the financial sacrifice, and such...they don't see it.
People often talk, but then, I think they just need to walk a small mile in my shoes, and then they wouldn't just see, they would know and understand. They would see the care behind every one of my actions, they would understand the love behind every post of mine, and they would see that I am not perfect, nor did I have anything, but then... I care. And that's what makes a difference.
Most times, people see me doing these things and they think I have it all. What they don't see is the sacrifices behind the scene, the sleepless nights, the times I had to let go of my own needs/desires, the various times I need to skip meals and many more. But until they walk in my shoes they wouldn't know I ain't doing any of these for recognition or from abundance, but from choosing love, again and again, even in lack.
Even if no one sees or notices me, I will keep doing what I do, I have never done it to get a thank you, I'm not doing much, but the little I do counts. All of those smiles I get to see after doing what I do matters, because in the end, walking a mile in my shoes is not about popularity or to get some sort of recognition.
Thanks for taking your time to read through.
All pictures are mine. Second, third and fourth image are a screenshot of my WhatsApp status.