Recuerdos… La capacidad del cerebro de almacenar sucesos para crear una base de datos que nos permita alcanzar la experiencia.  No sé quién soy, ni donde estoy. Recuerdo cosas, pero no logro concentrarme en ninguna de ellas. Cierro los ojos y pienso en la nada, me dejo arrastrar por el vacío. ¡No quiero dormir! En los sueños revivo una y otra vez el mismo suceso. ___ Veo el reloj marcar las 12 de la noche, sonrío a mis compañeros de trabajo que se encuentran limpiando el salón, fue una noche agitada en el restaurante, el cocinero se despide de mí, es el primero en salir siempre. Sigo en mi trabajo, pulir los cubiertos y las copas. La hora de salida entre risas, tomo mi campera y me subo el cierre mientras me despido de mis compañeros que caminaron juntos a mí la mitad del trayecto: ─ ¿De verdad no irás con nosotros esta noche Su? No seas una perra rompe grupos─ oigo a uno de ellos. ─ Hoy no, estoy agotada y tengo deudas que pagar ─ digo entre risas mientras camino en sentido contrario a ellos, veo a una de las chicas correr hacia mí. ─Vamos, yo pago, Susy. No me gusta que te vayas sin nosotras ─ dice con su vocecita cantarina. ─ Hoy no Sofi, realmente estoy agotada. Llevo noches sin dormir, y siempre llego tarde al estudio de tatuajes. Me van a echar si vuelvo a llegar tarde. ─ Eres una perra rompe grupos. No será lo mismo sin ti ─ mientras se aleja de mí. ___
Memories...
The brain's ability to store events to create a database that allows us to reach the experience.
I don't know who I am, or where I am. I remember things, but I can't concentrate on any of them.
I close my eyes and think of nothingness, I let myself be dragged by emptiness.
I don't want to sleep!
In my dreams I relive the same event over and over again.
I see the clock strike 12 o'clock at night, I smile at my co-workers who are cleaning the room, it was a hectic night at the restaurant, the cook says goodbye to me, he is always the first to leave. I continue my work, polishing the cutlery and glasses.
I take my jacket and zipper it up while I say goodbye to my companions who walked half the way with me:
─ Are you really not going with us tonight Susy? Don't be a group-busting bitch─ I hear one of them. ─ Not today, I'm exhausted and I have debts to pay ─ I say between laughs while I walk in the opposite direction to them, I see one of the girls running towards me. ─ Come on, I'll pay, Su. I don't like you leaving without us ─ she says in her little singing voice. ─ Not today Sofi, I'm really exhausted. I haven't slept for nights, and I'm always late for the tattoo studio. They'll throw me out if I'm late again. ─ You're a group-busting bitch. It won't be the same without you ─ as he walks away from me.
I pick up my pace and walk into the historic streets of my neighborhood, I pull my headphones out of my purse and as I put them in I can hear the voice of my beloved Ed Sheeran with his "make it Rain" pop up in the middle of the night and my only thought is, "you can have all the horrible tattoos you want as long as you sing to me like that, make your voice take me with you".
I get distracted by the music and walk a little slower, the street that has seen me walk my whole life becomes a little darker than normal, but the music has taken me away from the real world, I'm immersed in the tones of Ed's voice, I can almost feel the pain of his words.
I couldn't hear the car, I couldn't feel his footsteps, I didn't know what was happening until I felt the hand closing over my mouth. I tried to scream, I'm sure I did, I kicked, I remember at one point biting his hand as hard as I could, I remember the metallic taste of blood on my lips, but I only felt the pain, a flash of light that went through my brain, the headphones went to fall to the ground, they had my cell phone with them.
I felt my body lighten as he lifted me off the ground and threw me into the car, his first move was to throw my wallet out the window as another blow shone through my brain. Half stunned, I tried to resist, but this time it wasn't his bare hand, he hit me with something harder. I felt myself falling as if fainting, oh, how I struggled not to!
Silence, violet pain shooting through me, blood sticking to my hair, that unpleasant smell, I tried to open my eyes, but they were soaked with blood.
I felt his hand break through my body, but it was no longer me.
I let myself drift into unconsciousness, seeking to escape the fate I had allowed myself to reach. I should have left with my friends...
I hear voices and a bit of hope comes into my brain.... I hear the cry of a child, a woman's voice, I try to scream, but my chest hurts a lot, my throat, an arcade surprises me forcing me to open my mouth while all the contents of my stomach spills warmly on my naked body... I try to speak and I can't, the female voice moves away with the baby's cry...
I scream, but I can't speak, another large amount of foul smelling vomit comes out of my mouth, and by the time I manage to hear my voice it's too late, there is only the voice of my captor who immediately kicks me hard in the stomach. I try to protect myself as a series of kicks and blows come at me like a blast from an ak47.
I fall back into a dream from which only the pain in my body frees me.
The cold is taught with me, the sticky skin does not resist anymore, it is a constant burning, pain under the skin that makes you wish it would stop, but it does not.
The pain wakes me up, my hair is being tempered, I feel like it's going to be pulled out, the stones on the ground dig into my skin as I'm dragged, it hurts, I scream, but it just makes them hit me again.
Why haven't I died?
I try to concentrate on something, but I can't.
I'm being dragged along the ground!
Part of me thinks I will die, the other part can only think it would be the best thing that could happen to me.
I breathe in hard trying to get oxygen, only to feel the taste of the dirty water fill my nostrils, my mouth, it slowly travels all the way to my lungs. I try to struggle and fail, my hand clings to his wrist, I dig my nails in one last click my brain makes to survive. His hands keep me underwater, I can't take it anymore. I see unconsciousness swim towards me, my struggle is about to end, in those last seconds I think about my cat, have I left enough food? Will he know that I did not abandon him?
Suddenly no more pain, suddenly no more dirty water.
I hear a nurse's voice: ─ Susana? Can you hear me Susana? The machines emit that terrifying beep, I feel the IV in my vein burning. I don't want any more. "He went into arrest" "Code blue." Words my brain catches just before I see the bright light... a comforting warmth before the end, it's like a mother's embrace... and there's nothing more, just my last thought is: Who will take care of my cat?
The cover image was created in Canva using a Pexels image. All the other images were created with Canva and modified with Ibis Paint x Alley